Black and Blue
by someone'sbunny
Summary: When Kira Yamato's life takes a turn for the worst, the complications in his life are multiplied exponentially. He loses his way in the darkness, but someone is still trying to find him.
1. The Calm

Black and Blue

Chapter One -

The Calm

Kira sat up on the bed and looked around the wheat coloured room. The shadows were much longer now than he had remembered. It must be late. He acknowledged the curled lump beside him and looked underneath the sheets to find long pink hair and a petite, fair skinned girl to greet him. She opened her eyes.

"Lacus, I need to go."

The girl mumbled something and turned over, and went back to sleep. Kira simply smiled and stepped off the bed. He loved just laying with her there, even if they had to be fully clothed.

He ran his hand against the smooth, dark wood that adorned the foot of her bed and took one last look before leaving. His clear purple eyes glinted as the last traces of light began to disappear from the horizon.

Kira tucked her in a little better and walked out her room, closing the large French doors behind him carefully, as silently as he could manage.

"Mr. Clyne, I…"

"I'll see you tomorrow Kira." Lacus' father called out from the living room.

Kira and Lacus had been together since, with the lack for a better term, forever. It's hard to say how long exactly, but it's safe to say that perhaps they were together for as long as they could remember. Kira and Lacus were childhood friends and now that they were all grown up (about as grown as 16 year olds get) it was only natural that they become a couple: both well-known high school kids of 'good stock', both top students – yes, it seemed perfect.

Kira walked home as he watched the sun setting. He reached downtown, basically ignoring everything as he was walking his way through the huge crowds that spilled onto the streets. Quite the nightlife in his city. Actually, it was a hell of a tourist spot; the only thing was that tourism was at an all time low.

The neon lights were blinding now as the sun had disappeared and the crowds were becoming more energetic, as though they had been restless for as long as natural light existed.

The giant flat screen bellowed its news report. Kira put on his headphones and trudged on through the dense crowd.

…_the conflict seems to only escalate. Mr. Prime Minister, do you think that we may need to take further action?_

Kira found his apartment building, pulled out his keys and entered, met the elevators, greeted his sister, and pulled himself to his room.

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Monday morning. Worst day of the week. School was starting and Kira was actually on time. His sister, Cagalli, was in his class, but of course, a totally separate social niche than him. She was popular, but in that badass way. Notorious is the proper term.

Just then, Lacus walked in talking to Caleb Mathis, just the most popular young man in the school. All girls, no matter how old, wanted him. This small development, however, did not bother Kira at all. He trusted her with all he had, so he didn't ever worry about her leaving him. She looked at Kira and smiled, took her seat and got out her books.

Lacus and Caleb continued talking through the class and every once in a while Kira would notice her blush and giggle. He shrugged it off.

At lunch Cagalli sat with her brother, while Lacus was working on student council duties.

"You know Caleb does student council too right?" Cagalli asked her bored looking brother. She did it as quietly as you could in a cafeteria that loud. He nodded.

"… So?"

"Do you want me to kick his ass?"

"What for?"

"You know, he and Lacus are looking pretty close"

"Lacus loves me, like she said. They're friends, so what?"

"That isn't the point…"

"Cagalli, nothing's wrong alright?" Kira said with a laugh, "And besides, I spend more time with her than he does."

"Whatever Kira."

After lunch it was back to class. The day skipped by so quickly because Kira had simply went through the hours in a daze. He didn't particularly care what was going on around him at that moment, just waiting for Lacus to come talk to him again. School days were busy at their age. Teachers didn't like the socializing nature of students, so there was always something to keep them busy.

A short ways through, the principal walked in. He was announcing something he said was of special interest to this age level of students especially:

"A trip is scheduled for you students, hotel and such, it's all inclusive. A kind of school tradition, so to speak. It's quite a vacationing spot so I would suggest cameras and such. Of course there will be historical significance and some work involved, but overall, it's a nice break from the heavy school work we've been piling on you."

His voice was annoying. He was like that ratty looking stereotype of a laboratory egghead.

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Eyes half closed, after another few hours of dozing off and floating off in a daze, the bell finally rang and school was out. Finally. Monday sucked, and it was over. Lacus walked to Kira.

The sun was an eerie orange. It resembled a slightly overcooked egg sliding off the pan. The shadows in the class grew long.

"Hey Kira," Lacus said as Kira sluggishly packed his books into his bag.

"Hey, what's up?" Kira looked up to see his girlfriend staring at him, "You were talking to Caleb a lot today. What's going on with him?"

"Hm? Nothing really."

"Nothing? Really?" Kira said with a grin.

"Usual jock stuff," Lacus said with a laugh.

He walked her home in silence as the sun set on that day, kissed her at the gates, and left. He blushed to himself as he imagined all the times they had kissed and all the times she said she loved him. She loved him of all people and that was enough for him.

Just as Lacus entered her manse, the phone rang. The call screen simply said "Mathis Residence."


	2. Waiting for Dew Drops

Chapter 2 -

Waiting for Dew Drops

The day of the trip had arrived only two days after the announcement. Kira was still in bed, awake, but still just staring at the ceiling. His room was incredibly dark as the dark blue curtains covered the windows. His mind was blank and slightly numbed from trying to silence the thoughts that his sister attempted to have him consider.

_You know, he and Lacus are looking pretty close, _she had said to him days before, but he pushed it aside, as was his custom.

_It couldn't be true,_ he thought to himself. _Not Lacus._

"Hey slowass, get up! Get in the shower, dork, or you won't make the bus and you'll miss the trip." Cagalli yelled from the next room.

Kira on the other hand mumbled something inaudible and the ruffling of sheets could be heard.

"And by the way," Cagalli began adding, "If you don't get on the trip, Caleb gets Lacus all to himself."

"Lay off," Kira muttered lazily as he slinked passed her room into the thoroughly steamed bathroom. Damn her and her knowledge of how to push his buttons.

He wiped away the mist from the mirror and stared at himself for a moment. His messy hair covered the left side of his face and his purple eyes seemed slightly dulled this morning. He hadn't slept last night. He stared at the sink for a moment and closed the door.

Kira had already fixed his clothes, enough for 5 days as the permission forms specified, and was actually more prepared than Cagalli. Of course, as much as it would seem that he had taken up a new spitefulness on the subject of a certain Mr. Mathis, he never _really_ showed it. At least at this point, his only true concern was to be with Lacus.

30 minutes later, Cagalli had packed her bags, and Kira was at the door waiting for her. He looked at her in his usual bored expression until his expression changed to shock when he realized that Cagalli had 5 bags, likely one for each day, and she was sporting that devious little glint in her left eye that seemed to suggest that he would be handling all of them.

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The buses came to the front of the building. It turns out the plan was to pick up every student from their homes and, as always, Lacus had the seat next to her reserved for Kira. He sat beside her and kissed her as he always did, not failing to notice who sat behind them: Caleb Mathis. This time, it was starting to piss him off.

The usual kind of interaction came along between them. The usual vagueness that always engulfed a Lacus Clyne story, and the usual fixation Kira had on her, regardless of how ridiculously un-descriptive she was. The only new thing in this bus ride that seemed to differ from others is the number of times Lacus decided to turn around to talk to the _others_ on the bus.

Kira slumped on his seat. His irritation seemed to become apparent, but Lacus seemed oblivious to the fact. She was turned around, laughing and giggling. Maybe it would be best to have his irritation settle and sleep it all off. Who was he kidding, he may not have slept that much, but he isn't closing his eyes around Mathis.

The bus seemed like it flew across the highway and out the tinted windows, the clearest water of the coast could be seen. On the coasts were clusters of buildings and resorts with roads that led to the Old Capital of Heliopolis. The afternoon sun was burning bright outside, and the students were full of tension as the excitement had been pent up for a few days now.

Soon after, the bus pulled onto the front of the hotel. It was a massive building, obviously made for very rich people. Private school had its perks.

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"Hey Kira!" Lacus yelled from the doorway of Kira's hotel room. She was all dressed up in a jaunty pink dress and a wide brimmed straw sunhat.

"Hey Lacus," Kira said as he stood up, turning away from his unpacking, "Why are you all dressed up?"

Kira stood up and turned around to face her. He looked at her and smiled and he motioned for her to sit on his bed. Lacus happily bounced to his bed and plopped herself down and looked up at Kira while he continued to unpack all his things from his luggage. She looked at him as he went through random articles of clothing, and for a moment, she almost seemed like she was frowning.

"What's the matter?" Kira asked her almost immediately after she frowned. He was always very sharp.

"Hm? I didn't say anything…"

"You frowned…"

"It was nothing, Kira," Lacus laughed, "Anyways, I have to go meet up with the girls today, and I'm gonna have to go soon."

Kira smiled at her, "No wonder you're looking so pretty today. In any case, have fun, and make sure Misa doesn't hog you all to herself," Lacus laughed and Kira smiled, then continued, "Don't forget that _I'm_ your boyfriend, not her… unless of course you swing that way?"

"No!" Lacus laughed, "Don't worry, she won't keep me, I promise."

"She better not," Kira said as he turned around, "I love you, Lacus."

At this, Lacus' face grew serious for a split second before standing up and approaching her boyfriend who was busy unpacking his belongings. She looked at Kira and hugged him from behind and held her place for a moment. She frowned once more.

"I'll see you later okay?"

Kira pushed her back, turned around, closed his eyes and planted a soft kiss on her lips. All the while, Lacus kissed back, eyes wide open.

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Lacus and her two closest girl friends, Misa and Billie, explored Old Heliopolis through the warm air. A gentle breeze ran through Lacus' hair and this caught the eye of almost every male on the same sidewalk.

"So Lacus, what's new?" Billie said to the beautiful pink haired girl walking in the middle of the three. She looked at Lacus in a way that shows that her question means a little more than she's actually saying.

"Yeah Lacus, tell us what's up. Jeez, I mean we haven't been out, just the girls since, like, forever! Like, maybe grade school, or something, right?" added Misa, obviously not meaning anything other than what she said. She was a rather giddy girl who was always just happy to be with her friends. She wasn't too bright either.

"Lacus, spill, now…" Billie demanded.

"Nothing's new, God, we're in the same class. You know very well that everything has been amazingly boring lately." Lacus stated.

"I dunno Lacus, tell us _something_. Stuff about you and Kira or maybe you and… Caleb?" Billie slyly asked as they crossed the crowded cobblestone streets.

Lacus almost tripped on her self as she stepped on top of the curb. She looked at her friends uncomfortably, and then continued walking. They walked along the sidewalk with a railing on its side, as it overlooked the waters along the bluffs. The three friends walked in silence for a moment then finally, after an excruciatingly awkward aura surrounded them all, Lacus spoke.

"It's nothing… really. Caleb… we just… before Kira and I were together, well… we used to go out," The girls gasped, eyes widening in shock, but Lacus kept talking, "It was just one of those things that we figured couldn't work. We never told anyone, we weren't ever together unless we were sure no one could see us… Kira was my best friend at the time, but I don't know why, but… I could never tell him. Now that Caleb wants to try again, I'm so confused. I think I love Kira, but… I don't know…"

Billie looked at Lacus for a moment; "You know Lacus, Caleb is totally hot. If you ask me I would…"

"Billie, that's so mean!" Misa shrieked. Some people in the crowd across the street turned their heads to see if something interesting could be found, then turned away when they realized it was nothing.

"Lacus, you know, Kira's really nice. He has really cute hair, and, like, a good looking face, not to mention that I saw him at P.E. once and he is actually really fit and stuff. He's nice to lots of people, he's really, really smart, he's quiet and doesn't talk too much, not to mention those gorgeous purple eyes of his and one time…"

"Then why don't you go out with him while Lacus goes out with Caleb?!"

"Shut up, Billie!" Misa yelled, once again getting unwanted attention for the group.

At this, Lacus seemed a little uneasy with the conversation. She was torn between the two boys and now she didn't know which choice to make.

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The girls had arrived at the **Sea Coast Café**, and entered, taking the table closest to the window. The three girls were given French Vanilla Coffee to start, as ordered by Billie.

While the three sat at the table, only Misa and Billie were actually conversing. Lacus stared out of the window absentmindedly, stirring her coffee all the while. At that moment, Caleb walked into the café and sat down on a table opposite from where they sat. Lacus noticed this and immediately turned red. Caleb on the other hand simply looked her way and smiled. He was with another male friend of his who apparently lived in Heliopolis himself.

"Lacus… isn't that…" Billie whispered.

"I know, I know…" Lacus replied, hiding her face from the crowd, "Can we get out of here, please?"

"Aren't you going to talk to him?" Misa asked far too audibly for Lacus' comfort.

"No, I just wanna get out of here okay?"

The three left some money on the table and stood up and moved toward the door. Billie opened the door for the other two then Misa exited. Lacus was walking out the door when she felt a hand clutch her wrist. She pulled away a little for a moment then turned her head to look upon her captor. It was Caleb.

Lacus' heart sank. She was afraid of a confrontation and as much as possible wished only to pretend like there was nothing that troubled her. She wanted to pretend like she didn't feel torn between two people she loved. She wanted to pretend that everything was alright. She felt the fog of confusion roll over her again as she looked at him. With every moment that passed, though made up merely of split seconds, she felt unsure of who she loved.

"We need to talk," was all Caleb said. Lacus simply nodded and turned to her friends.

"We'll be, uh, at the pier. We'll meet you there later, Lacus." At that, her two friends departed.

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Caleb held Lacus' hand as they walked through the streets aimlessly. Caleb looked troubled, even a little pensive. The silence was increasingly awkward for the both of them. Caleb stopped suddenly and turned to Lacus.

"Lacus… you need to leave Kira."

"Caleb… what?" Lacus looked at him in shock, not knowing what to expect.

"I love you, Lacus."

"Caleb, I…"

Caleb pressed Lacus against the wall of the building next to them. Slowly, Caleb leaned in for a kiss, and Lacus simply closed her eyes. Their lips met and the kiss grew torrid. It lasted so long, but the two remained the same, oblivious to all around them.


	3. Sympathy for the Morningstar

Chapter 3 –

Sympathy for the Morning Star

Caleb and Lacus slowed their kiss and stopped for a moment to look at each other. Lacus breathed in deeply at the intensity of the moment and Caleb simply smiled at her. Lacus pushed Caleb away for a moment and turned away from him looking around the crowd. She fixed her ruffled hair and her face grimaced. She felt a deep pit in her stomach and felt nauseous. Her eyebrows furrowed in worry and fear and she shivered against the cold wind. The skies were turning grey.

"Caleb, you have to understand…"

"Lacus, you don't love Kira."

"…But I care for him, Caleb."

"Don't you love me?" He asked almost pleadingly to her. He held her shoulders softly and moved her in a way that seemed like he begged her to look at him.

"I don't want to hurt him… He means a lot to me still…" Lacus said as she turned to him, "… and he's always been there for me and I know he always will."

"I will be there for you too. Don't ever doubt that... Look, just because he feels that you're meant to be, doesn't mean he's right. You and I can't pretend anymore. Don't you notice the way we've been looking at each other for the past year since we stopped?"

Caleb looked at his shoes for a moment. He looked at Lacus again, and then continued.

"Lacus, I know it's been a long time since we've been together or since I've kissed you that way, but don't you miss it? I don't want to be going behind anyone's back to be with the woman I love… I know you love me too. Just tell him, for us... for his own good."

"But Caleb, I don't know. I love him, I think…"

"So who do you want more? You seemed so sure before when you said you'd tell him last, but you never did."

"I don't want to cheat on him…"

"So leave him…"

"…But I don't want to hurt him…"

"Do you want to hurt me any more than you already have?"

Lacus gulped and thought for a moment. She was in a dilemma and she, for the first time in her life, was unsure of her convictions. She was afraid to talk to Kira about the issue, so she could only _hear_ Caleb. She knew she felt something for both of them, but she wasn't sure of which she loved.

She ran her thumb across her lips and closed her eyes to stop the tears from forming. She didn't want to hurt Kira, but she was curious as to finding out whether Caleb was right. She felt something for Caleb, but didn't she feel something for Kira as well? The issue confused her. For such a long time, she was friends with Kira - was that it? Were they friends too long? Or did she feel like she hadn't fulfilled what she ought to with Caleb? She had to make a choice. She had to make it soon.

Lacus gulped again. Her pace of breathing increased and became erratic. Her lips trembled so she bit down on her lower lip. At that, Caleb wrapped his arms around her waist tightly.

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_Kira… I'm so sorry… I don't know if what I felt for you was real… I don't know if we can ever be… but I never doubted your love, only mine. Maybe I'm wrong to leave… but you don't deserve this doubt… Caleb's right… He must be… He must be…_

_He must be…_

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"Do you want to go back now?"

"I think I'll walk for a bit. Thanks Caleb. I'll… walk back," Lacus replied.

Caleb looked at her, then to the ground, as though a terrible shame had come over him. He attempted to look up at her again, but failed and instead walked away and turned the corner leaving Lacus alone. The skies were still grey and the sun could no longer be seen.

Lacus walked slowly through the bustling old city, every once in a while looking up to admire a magnificent monument, but mostly looking blankly at nothing. The city was oblivious to the sorrow that engulfed that beautiful pink haired girl who staggered for hours on the street. In her lament, she forgot everything around her. The wind grew cold and blew past her, blowing away the hair from her face. It exposed eyes, blood shot and swollen from crying, but now the tears have stopped.

The sun had set now. Thunder could be heard from the distance. Lacus still absent mindedly walked and turned the corner. Suddenly she hit something hard and fell down. She opened her eyes, which were blurry for a moment, and then she realized she ran into a person.

"Oh, my… I'm so sorry," Lacus said as she got up.

The person laughed and picked her up, and at that moment she realized who it was.

_Kira... _

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Kira held his arms around Lacus, who seemed a little distraught. She was trembling as he held her and he felt worry wash over him.

"Lacus? Are you…" Kira started.

"I'm fine Kira. Don't worry, I'm fine."

He didn't believe it. This wasn't the Lacus he knew. He knew there was something bothering her and it bothered him. He combed his left hand through his messy brown hair while his right arm held Lacus close to his body.

Lacus was caught in that dilemma once again. She couldn't look him in the eye, but she knew if she was going to do it, it had to be now. It had to be.

"Kira… we need to talk…"

Kira hesitated for a moment. He looked at her, curious about this. All he prayed for was that she was alright. He didn't want her to be hurt by whatever it was that bothered her.

"Alright, Lacus. Um… what is it?" His purple eyes glinted with worry.

"Kira… you and I… I can't be with you… not anymore."

The pair stopped walking. Kira's heart skipped a beat. He couldn't believe what he just heard. Lacus' face was covered by her hair. She raised her arm toward the street to hail a taxi.

"Lacus… what?" Kira said, utterly dumbfounded, "But… I love you."

He grabbed her hand in a silent plea to make her stay.

The tears began forming in Lacus' eyes once again. She sobbed as she held Kira's hand the way they always did, for the last time. She held it tight as though she didn't want to let go, but at this point, she thought she was doing the right thing. She wanted to believe that this was for the best, but it was tearing her apart inside. The rain began to fall slowly.

The taxi arrived and sat idle by the sidewalk as it awaited a passenger.

"I'm sorry Kira…" Lacus managed to say between sobs, "I… I can't say that I love you anymore."

Lacus entered the taxi leaving that boy in the rain. She closed the door and looked away. She couldn't look back. It hurt too much.

The rain began pouring as soon as the taxi sped away into the light glow of the old city.

Old Heliopolis had a famous proverb stating that 'the eternal power of water had the sacred strength to cleanse indelible sorrow.'

Kira stood in the rain. The rain poured forth, threatening never to stop. The old proverbs couldn't have been more wrong.


	4. Goodbye to Yesterday

Chapter 4 –

Goodbye to Yesterday

It was three weeks since the trip and in none of those three weeks have Kira and Lacus spoken a word to each other and if that wasn't enough, neither of them even looked at each other. At least, that's what Kira thought.

For days and days, Kira sat in the cafeteria alone in the farthest corner. No one dared go close, except of course his sister. In the end, all that was done was eating in silence. Kira didn't speak to anyone unless he was spoken to, he didn't look at anyone, and he never smiled. He was such a cheerful young man before, but he had no urge to smile now.

One day, Lacus sat in the cafeteria with Billie and Misa, poking at her food in a constant daze. She seemed to change since Old Heliopolis. Her marks had gone down and she quit her presidency in student council and didn't ever seem to feel like participating in anything. She only seemed to ever _act_ happy around Caleb, but the moment he would leave, or any time he could not see her face, a pained frown surfaced. They never truly seemed comfortable around each other.

"…Lacus, are you listening?" Billie looked at her friend in concern.

"What? Oh, I'm sorry," Lacus snapped out of her daze and regained her composure, "What are we talking about?"

"Are you really happy?" Misa asked.

"Of course I am…"

At that moment Lacus looked at Kira, who sat across the cafeteria from her. She missed seeing his face. He wasn't eating. She hadn't seen him eat in a while. She felt worry fill her and she looked back at her friends.

"…I love Caleb."

"Right…" Misa remarked rolling her eyes, earning her glares from Billie, "Lacus, tell us honestly. What's the problem?"

"There's no problem, I'm happy. I'm with Caleb and everything's great. He treats me right, always spends time with me, and he takes me out a lot. I don't see why I wouldn't be happy."

Misa and Billie looked at each other, both raising eyebrows. The tone of Lacus' voice, to them, seemed so half-hearted, as though with every word she said she was fooling herself, but she pretended otherwise.

Lacus twitched at the aura of skepticism surrounding her. She looked at her friends with her head held low, her chin closing in on the table. She looked at Billie, who sat beside her, for a few seconds, but her eyes gravitated to Kira on the other side. It's been four days since she's seen him eat lunch.

"Lacus, you know…"

"Tell me later," Lacus said abruptly as she stood up from the table.

The two friends looked at each other in awe.

Lacus looked toward Kira. At this moment, she couldn't believe the fear that had surfaced inside her. She clenched her fist so hard that the skin on her knuckles seemed thin as paper. She breathed steadily in an attempt to calm her nerves. She took one step toward him, then two. Soon, she was slowly on her way to Kira.

_One step at a time, Lacus. Calm down. Calm down. _

The moment she reached halfway, she felt a little more confidence build up inside her. She would settle this with him. She hated seeing Kira hurt, and she especially hated when Kira managed to abuse himself.

Lacus felt someone grab her arm. She turned around and saw Cagalli. Her eyes were intense and for some reason this made her quiver. She tried to pull her arm away from her, but to no avail.

"Cagalli, what are you doing?" Lacus said as she attempted to free herself, "Let go of me!"

"You stay the hell away from my brother. I don't care what you have to say, but you've hurt him enough."

The whole cafeteria fell silent. They all watched the confrontation as it unfolded in the middle isle. Billie and Misa stood up to rush to Lacus' aid, but Cagalli's friends blocked their way. All eyes were on the pair. No one moved, nor did they make a sound.

"Cagalli, this is important! I need to…"

"You don't need to do shit. You've done enough," Cagalli glared at the cowering girl. The desperation in her eyes said it all.

Cagalli had reached her breaking point. She raised her arm, preparing to slap the pink haired girl. Lacus simply winced, waiting for the inevitable pain. The whole room gasped as Cagalli's eyes widened and her hand moved swiftly downward with an open palm…

…But not swiftly enough.

"Kira…" Cagalli grimaced as Kira held her wrist, which was an inch close to Lacus' face.

Kira squeezed his sister's arm, with a grip that could crush a boulder. Lacus simply looked at the boy, her saviour, but he didn't even look back. He yanked at his sister and dragged her out the cafeteria, while the pink haired girl simply sat on the floor, staring at the lost opportunity to fix things with a _friend._

_He is only my friend… isn't he? _

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Kira dragged his sister through the hallways and stopped by the doors. He looked at his sister with disdain.

"What were you trying to pull?"

"She hurt you, it's only right," Cagalli scoffed in her usual smug manner.

"I told you, Cagalli, leave her alone. Lacus made her choice, and I respect that…"

"Yeah, sure, you respect that, but ever since you haven't taken care of yourself either. You don't eat as much; you can't concentrate on anything, you can't even look at her, and to top it off…"

"That's my problem, not yours."

"… and that Caleb, I'm gonna kick his ass too…"

"Forget it, Cagalli. Lacus doesn't love me."

"But you love her…"

Kira looked to the ground. He suddenly seemed fascinated by his shoes. He was simply entranced. The colours had been worn out, and the seams seemed to be popping. The white border at the base had been scuffed beyond all recognition. Then he remembered that Lacus gave him those shoes for his 14th birthday. They were far too big for him then, but they fit him now.

"Just forget it. Don't worry about me."

"But Kira…" Cagalli pleaded. She wanted to help her brother, but force was the only conflict resolution she knew.

"Cagalli… thank you," Kira embraced his sister, "I know you care about me, but you have to trust me… I'll straighten out."

"Do it soon," she pushed her brother off and smiled, "Quit being a pussy."

The bell rang. Lunch was over and it was time to go to class. The siblings walked to their class together as the afternoon sun from the windows shone in. The hallways crowded, but the two kept a steady pace. After the events in the cafeteria, some people gave Cagalli looks, which basically signified a new rumour or some sort of non sense.

"So, Cagalli, you got a boyfriend yet?" Kira teased.

"Shut it, jerk-wad," Cagalli remarked as she punched her brother in the shoulder.

The two laughed together quietly as they swam through the sea of people that made up the population of their school. Kira looked out the passing windows, his eyes looking distant once again.

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At the end of the school day, Lacus packed her books into her bag solemnly, without a word or a look to anyone. Kira was in her last class, but neither exchanged any looks to each other. Kira had already left with Cagalli. At this point, Lacus realized that she had a slim chance of patching things up with Kira. Although this was the case, there was something about the way she wanted to patch things up that made her uneasy. It felt wrong to be friends with him. It felt wrong to not be something with him. Kira was important to her.

Caleb walked into the room to pick up Lacus and walk her home as he has done for the past few weeks. Every time he saw Lacus, he smiled at her jovially. She smiled back. Lacus picked up her bag and left walking alongside Caleb into the emptied hallways. The sound of their shoes clicked against the floor and echoed through the maze of rooms.

The two walked out on the sidewalk as the sun glared into Lacus' eyes. The silence lingered between them, but it seemed that they were used to it. Eventually, Caleb broke the silence.

"So, uh, how was your day?"

"It was fine."

Lacus seemed lost in her thoughts once again. Caleb frowned and tried to break the silence once more.

"Lacus, you wanna go somewhere on Saturday? Wait, that's tomorrow. Are you free then?"

"Sure Caleb. Where to?"

"I don't really know," Caleb chuckled, "I was hoping you had an idea."

"Not really… You know, never mind. I'm not really up to it."

Caleb twitched. He couldn't understand why she was like this. She always seemed so upset as of late. He reached out to hold her hand, but when he held it, it was as though she wasn't even holding him. It stung him. It stung hard.

Lacus reached the front of her gate. Caleb went close to her face for a kiss, but she turned her head forcing him to simply give her a kiss on the cheek. She smiled at him, and he smiled back. She entered her manse without looking back.

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Kira sat on the couch looking at a letter he received from the mail. He stared at the page so hard it was as though he wanted to burn a hole through it. It certainly seemed reasonable to want that.

Cagalli had left the house to pick up some groceries and Kira was left in the house. Kira never felt so alone in his life. He had no one to call and no one to wait for a call from. All he had was himself and that letter.

_From the Ministry of…_

That part pissed him off.

_You have been honourably summoned…_

That part scared him out of his wits.

He placed his face in his hands as he hunched himself over on the couch. The letter sat in his lap for him to ponder. There was no choice now, was there.

Thuds could be heard at the door. The door swung open and it was Cagalli with the groceries. She placed them on the counter and plopped herself down on the couch. She sighed and looked at her brother. He frowned to her and she furrowed her eyebrows at him. She noticed the paper and snatched it from him. Her eyes widened as she dropped the page. She embraced her brother swiftly and held him tight.

"Kira, can't you get out of it?" Cagalli sobbed as she squeezed her brother.

"We don't have the money to pay me out of it. Our rich friends do, but we're just lucky to be in that school."

"Kira…"

"It's okay Cagalli. It'll be alright."

The twins held each other for a long time. They've never been apart and for the first time, they were terrified. They didn't want to be apart, but civic duty has a way to throw everyone off.

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Saturday morning. Lacus knew Caleb would arrive to check on her especially since she turned him down for that date. Today, she felt interestingly bold. Today, she felt interestingly empty. Something was missing and she felt the need to search for it.

Later that day, Caleb arrived to Lacus' home. He was standing at the front door and one of the maids had let him in. He walked into the main hall and he was let into the living room. It was a large burgundy room with an ornate Persian rug laid out, centered on the floor. He took a seat as he was served tea. Lacus made her way down to greet him.

Lacus took a seat on a leather couch and smiled a feeble smile.

"Hey Caleb..."

"Hi Lacus... How are you?" Caleb greeted, with a surprisingly sincere inquiry as to her wellbeing.

An awkward silence dropped onto the two. There wasn't anything left to say. Lacus looked at Caleb, and Caleb at Lacus. He knew what she was thinking, and he hated the feeling. He looked in her eyes and saw a hurt that he never wished to see.

Lacus' eyes suddenly became unsympathetic towards him. Caleb frowned and bowed his head when he saw this. He didn't feel the pain he thought he would at this moment, but it sure as hell didn't feel good.

"Lacus… don't be unreasonable."

"There's nothing left to say Caleb," Lacus remarked with such conviction that it rattled Caleb straight to the bones, "We tried."

"Was I… I'm sorry…" Caleb said in his confusion, "Please, I'll do anything."

"Caleb, we were wrong to do this, you have to understand that I… I was confused. We tried before, we did, and I know there was a time when maybe… just maybe… I felt something for you but I…"

"Lacus, please, no…"

"Caleb we can't do this, not anymore."

"Lacus…"

The pink haired girl looked across the room pensively at the blond boy that was despairing at the moment.

"…You don't love me?"

"No. And I know that you don't love me."

Caleb swallowed the saliva pooling in his mouth, the sound of the gulp resonating loud enough for Lacus to hear. Caleb took a deep breath and looked up.

"You don't know that! You can't… you have no right to say that..."

"We were wrong and I'm sorry that we couldn't be," Lacus said with a frown.

Lacus looked at Caleb and he saw that she couldn't love him, let alone like him, ever. It hurt. After all that noble talk of their love, he was wrong from the beginning.

"I'll show myself out."

As Caleb left, Lacus walked back to her room. She gathered some clothes and walked to the bathroom.

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Lacus stepped into the shower, without lights turned on, and started the bath. The darkness enshrouded her, but somehow, the sombre feel of it brought back something familiar. As the water fell from the shower head and crashed against her pale skin, she remembered that night in Heliopolis. The rain. That unforgiving rain and the boy she left behind.

_Kira…_


	5. Star Crossed

Chapter 5 –

Star Crossed

Kira sat at home, tapping his ballpoint pen on his wooden desk. He tapped it so much lately that small dents have appeared against the laminated finish. He hadn't been paying attention at school, and his temper had shortened significantly. The stress and the pressure of past incidents had taken its toll.

He had homework to do, but he wasn't up to it. It was Sunday morning, a grey day, but still he felt the need to leave. He was alone in the apartment. Cagalli was out with her rough and tumble tomboy friends, probably causing trouble for the establishment. Again.

Kira stood up and went to his closet. He slid the door open brusquely and took out his elegant black trench coat. It was a windy day today and he wanted to be ready. He stepped to the front door and wore his black leather shoes. His jeans were a little long, but he just wanted to get out. He took his keys from the pocket of his coat and stepped out the door. He slammed it shut, and then a click could be heard.

The empty apartment was completely silent. The phone started ringing.

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Kira sat on the park bench just two blocks away from his dwelling. The wind sent a chill across his body. He no longer knew what to do with himself. He was more bored than he had ever been in his entire life. He thought about his parents, who disappeared just after the EastAsia conflict began. The twins were just twelve years old at the time. It was then that they became acquainted with the Clyne family. This was when he met Lacus.

He grew up with Lacus and she was really his only friend. The rest of the people in high school who distinguished themselves as the crowd of people he called his friends only started showing up because he became a celebrity in his school. The reason for his popularity is still a complete mystery to him, but he figured it had something to do with his relationship with Lacus. It had its ups and downs, but simply being with Lacus was good enough.

After all they had been through he hated the feeling of being torn from her. She may not love him now, but he knew deep inside that no matter what the case was, he would never let go of what they had. He just wanted her to be happy. He just wanted to see her smile, even if he was still too hurt to look at her again.

He looked at his trembling hands and remembered how she used to hold them. He remembered how she used to warm them in the cold weather. How she drew unseen pictures on his palms with her fingertips. He remembered how she held his hand to caress her face.

_What's this hand for, Kira?_

They're for holding Lacus. That's what they were for, so long as she wanted them to hold her. He thought this was all that those hands could do. She didn't want his now. She had Caleb's.

Kira stood up and decided to go for some coffee. He wanted to wander once again.

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The phone rang in the apartment again. This time it didn't stop before the voice message system kicked in. A long beep could be heard, signifying the start of the message of the homeowners to the person that has been calling for the past hour. Kira's voice could be heard.

"Hey, this is Kira and Cagalli, please leave a message 'cause we ain't here…"

Lacus heard the recording of the cheery Kira Yamato and hoped that the explanation she had for the whole ordeal would suffice. The recording was old, and she was at his house when he recorded it. It would be better for it to come out in person, but she needed to do this today. If he won't answer the phone to plan something with her, then she'll have to tell him now, so she can clear things up the day after. She could never get used to having an elephant in the room every time she was with her Kira. Not to mention Cagalli who would stop at nothing to keep her away from her brother, no matter what she had to say to him.

"…We'll get back to you when we feel like it."

Another beep could be heard. Now was the time to talk, to tell him what happened. She left him for Caleb, but she always loved him, even if she didn't believe it. He has to know why things happened the way they did. They didn't work out properly. She thought the right thing to do was apparent, but she thought wrong. She had to tell him. There was a long pause and then she quivered.

"Kira… It's me, Lacus. I just wanted… I wanted to tell you what happened... Kira, I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… In Heliopolis, I didn't know what to do. I just thought that maybe you and I, well… weren't right for each other… I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to feel and for a second I thought I was supposed to be with… Caleb… We… Caleb and I… we used to be together. I never told you that… When I left you out in the rain that night… I thought maybe, I did you a favour. I thought that I didn't feel anything for you… and maybe I thought that… you deserve better than that."

The phone line cut out. She had left a long message, but she wasn't done talking just yet. There was more to tell, and more for Kira to hear. She knew she'd only have to explain better the next time they spoke, but this was a good start. She dialed the numbers again and waited through the rings on the other line. The message came once more. She heard Kira again and for the first time in a long time, she felt hope fill her heart once more.

"Kira… It's me again. I need to finish what I'm going to say… I think maybe there was a misunderstanding between us… When we all came back from Heliopolis, there was a big rumour going around that I was with Caleb… at the time, I didn't think much of it, I mean, it wasn't true. I just spent a lot of time with him. Friends… he was kind of helping me through it, but he… he said he loved me. I guess I didn't know any better… He just hadn't given up on me for so long, and I thought it was true… I don't know how, but when I was unsure of being with anyone but him… whenever I thought of you… I heard a rumour that made me think otherwise… I heard you just forgot about me, and… went off with Saeka… while everyone said that Caleb… that Caleb waited for me even through our relationship… It was all lies, Kira, I know that now and I'm sorry I fell for all of it… I'll tell you all about this tomorrow, just please talk to me… Caleb and I are over… and Kira… I…"

The phone line cut out again.

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"…_love you,"_ she thought to herself. Her heart was beating hard in her chest, and she was out of breath. Lacus had lost her nerve. She hadn't the courage to say it now, but she would tell him. Her heart filled with a resolve she had never felt before and a conviction that seemed to crush any more of her doubts.

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Kira walked down the street with a coffee that burned his tongue moments before. The wind had become colder and he could see leaves on the sidewalk being carried off by it. The dryness of the air stung his eyes as it passed. He kept his left hand snug in his pocket, while his right held his coffee. He took a sip, but the moment he wasn't paying attention to his surroundings, his shoulder hit someone else. This sent his balance astray, and he almost instantaneously spilled his coffee on his coat. It burned his hand slightly, but not enough to bother him too much. He tried to shake the coffee off his hand. Just then, the person he bumped into turned around.

"Hey, I'm really sorry, I didn't see you there…"

"Don't worry about it," Kira responded as he turned his head, "I'm fine."

Just as he turned his head, he saw two pairs of legs behind him. One was a male, the other female. He drew his eyes upward to see the face of the two people he had just encountered. He discovered a familiar face staring at him.

"Caleb?"

"Er… Kira, uh, hi."

Kira looked toward the female. He was somewhat afraid to look. He hadn't looked at Lacus Clyne for many weeks, but he knew, deep inside, that he wanted to see her face. He missed her. It was as simple as that. He looked at the girl and was surprised to see what he saw. It wasn't Lacus. It was a different girl from school. He knew her. She went by the name of Aiko. She looked to him and she smiled.

Suddenly, deep inside himself, Kira felt an immense rage flare up. How dare that Caleb do this to Lacus? First he steals her away, now he goes off to hurt her. Of all the things in the world, he only wanted Lacus to be happy, and seeing what he saw crushed his insides knowing that such a thing inflicted on her would lead to more tears. Lacus' tears.

_He's cheating on her…_

"Caleb…"

"Uh, yeah, Kira?" Caleb said, bewildered by the sudden statement.

"… You bastard."

Kira's eyes narrowed and right then and there, Kira's left fist slammed square onto Caleb's face. Aiko shrieked in terror at the ferocity of the attack. Caleb stumbled back and fell on his hind side, eye's wide in shock. His nostrils gushed with dark red blood. He blinked a few times and reached to his face. Aiko shuffled to Caleb and knelt down to tend to him. Caleb touched the bridge of his nose to feel through the damage, but the moment he made contact with it, a sharp pain shot through his face. He twitched then looked up at his attacker. Kira stood above him like an ominous tower, turned away and crossed the busy street nonchalantly, as though none of the cars were speeding by him. Some cars skidded to a stop and honked at the stoic Kira who simply kept walking as though none of this was happening.

"Oh my God, Caleb, are you…" Aiko whimpered.

"I'm fine."

"That Kira's a jerk," Aiko sobbed with worry and shock, "I can't believe he did that."

"I can," Caleb chuckled, as though nothing had happened, "Don't worry about me… It was a misunderstanding."

"Misunderstanding?! Are you crazy?! That came outta nowhere! You expect me to believe…"

While the young girl babbled on, Caleb picked himself up off the ground and wiped his face with his handkerchief. The white cloth quickly accumulated blood. He pressed it against his face for a moment then looked at the girl beside him. This time, it wasn't just his ego that took a hell of a bruising.

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Cagalli threw her keys across the counter of the apartment and noticed that it was empty. Kira's shoes weren't in their usual spot by the door so she figured he had left.

After she entered, three of her other cronies, namely Aaralyn, Tallys, and Eva, entered behind her. Cagalli crossed the room with a boyish roughness that was her trademark attitude and moved toward the answering machine. The light on the front of the phone cradle was blinking.

"Hey Cags, where's your brother?" Aaralyn asked as she tinkered with the ornaments on the coffee table, "Is he still single?"

Cagalli shot a glare at her sly blond friend a glare as she turned to the answering machine. She pressed some buttons on the phone cradle, and then an automated voice could be heard.

"You have two new messages in your mail box. Message One…"

"'Kira… It's me, Lacus…'"

Cagalli's right eye twitched as she heard this at which she immediately pressed the delete button.

"Message deleted. Message two."

"'Kira… It's me again…'"

Almost instantaneously she pressed the delete button again.

"Message deleted. No further messages," The monotone voice proclaimed.

Cagalli sighed in frustration. The people she wanted away from her brother always seemed to persist forcing their way into his company. She couldn't stand to see her own twin miserable anymore.

Aaralyn inched her way into Kira's room as Tallys snickered at her lame attempt to locate some sort of sexual paraphernalia in his closet. Eva was looking for a drink in the fridge and Cagalli simply raised her eyebrow at her rambunctious group of misfit friends.

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Kira walked into the apartment and unceremoniously kicked his shoes off. Cagalli was lying on the couch asleep. He looked at the clock. It was 10:47 am and he had been wandering aimlessly all day, and as it would turn out, most of the evening as well. With each fatigued drop of his foot, Cagalli was being pulled out of her sleep. Her eyes fluttered open to see the face of her brother hovering over her face. He seemed distraught.

"What?"

"I saw…" he hesitated for a moment, "Erm, never mind, did anyone call?"

"No one important…" Cagalli replied with a yawn, "Where were you all day? Aaralyn was looking for you again… 'cause she's a pervert, you know."

"I need to call Lacus, I saw…" He shook his head and walked toward the phone.

"You know, I made dinner for you…" Cagalli said, "It's not very good, but I suppose it could do… That's the only reason I went out, I mean I needed to buy ingredients, and stuff, but Eva was the only one with a car… Those three… They're a package deal, you know."

"Cagalli…"

"Kira, you're leaving and we need to do something together soon…" Cagalli mumbled, suddenly becoming teary eyed, "You're going away, and I don't wanna waste time…"

"Cagalli, I'm still coming home, you know that." Kira said, as reassuringly as possible as he sat beside his sister and wrapped his arm around her. Cagalli leaned her head into her twin brother's shoulder.

"Tomorrow, I'm skipping school. You and I are gonna spend some quality family time, okay? It'll be just like before… when Mom and Dad were around."


	6. Sunset Elegy

Chapter 6 –

Sunset Elegy

Kira sat up from his bed with a start. It was today that he planned to be off to spend some time with his little sister. The plan was that they would leave for lunch and spend the rest of the time partying down in the city until the wee hours of dawn. It didn't matter where they were going, so long as the twins could spend some quality sibling time. Who knows, maybe she would even find a boyfriend, and he'd be the proud brother to see it. Then he'd be the disgusted brother when he saw her doing ungodly things with such a boy on the dance floor. That girl knew no restraint.

Her despair the night prior startled him. His sister was always very introverted with her emotions (aside from anger) while everything else remained bottled up inside. He knew she was afraid for the worst. He was too, but he could never show it. It was for her sake that he didn't show his true terror.

As a matter of fact, today, he didn't bother thinking about his conscription letter. Normally, his first thought would be that he's a day closer to leaving, but it he felt a little more optimism coursing through him today. He still had a while till he was to leave; the weeks could be counted on one hand, but nonetheless, he had the time he needed to be with his sister one last time. The future hasn't happened yet, so it's a non-issue.

Today was for family. That _is_ really all he had left.

Kira turned his head toward the clock on his side table. It was 6:00. A little early, but it was the best time to get into the shower before his sister. He gathered his clothes from his closet. They were all neatly folded as they were all prepared the night before. He opened his door cautiously. It was still too early to wake his sister.

Kira stealthily slinked his way to the apartment and entered the bathroom and dropped his clothes on the counter. For a moment he didn't notice that the mirror had already been fogged over. He looked at the couch and Cagalli was already dressed and napping. She really was looking forward to today.

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Kira and Cagalli walked along the main strip of the downtown. They were headed toward a restaurant on the east end. Cagalli had made reservations a day in advance. It really surprised Kira that she **had** people skills at all. Normally she would call the day of and threaten to kill their cooks unless they got a table. Although she was as tough and tomboyish as she always used to be, Kira realized that she has grown up. She could take care of herself.

"So Cagalli, got a boyfriend yet?"

"Hardy-har, very funny… laugh it up… bitch."

The twins glared at each other for a moment before breaking into an intense laughter. The worry and tension of the impending separation suddenly disappeared. They continued walking as they harassed each other the way siblings usually do. They did it the way they used to when their parents were around.

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Music blared from the main square as the loud ads from the jumbo screen on the main building of the square made its usual propagation of marketing faith. They entered the rather posh looking restaurant and the moment they did, Kira suddenly felt underdressed. Although he still looked rather charming and dapper, he still felt a little awkward around the high brow people in the restaurant.

The Maitre'd ushered them to their seats, which was, as Cagalli requested, by the window. She always loved watching the bustling crowds of the city. She loved it as a child and she loved it as a young woman.

"So Kira, get to ordering already," Cagalli chuckled rather jovially, "we're gonna be doing a lot today and I don't want to waste time."

"Cagalli…" Kira sighed, "We're going home next morning, and most probably without any sleep… do you honestly think we'll need to rush through today?"

"I dunno… are you too pussy to do it?"

Kira scoffed and waved his hand in disapproval. Another contest he could win against his sister. He loved the idea.

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Soon after some time deciding, the waitress arrived to ask for their orders. Kira asked for his, then Cagalli. She then left into the light din of voices and Beethoven in the background.

"So Kira what's new?"

Kira frowned and looked around. He knew she was there to listen about all his problems and he knew he wanted to tell her about Lacus.

"Cagalli, I saw Caleb cheating on Lacus the other day…"

"Whatever, she deserves it."

"I need to tell her Cagalli, please, you need to help me out. I wanna tell her when we get home."

"So do it…"

"How?"

"Whatcha mean how? You open your mouth, then…"

"No, Cagalli… I don't want her to get hurt…"

"You can't do anything about that," Cagalli said as she raised a smug eyebrow, "She hurt you, so it sounds alright to me for her to get screwed over by this."

"I need to get to her before Caleb tells her any of his bullshit…"

"Let them deal with it, and what reason would he have to tell, he doesn't know anyone else does…"

"But Cagalli…"

"It's none of our business…"

"…I broke his nose"

All of a sudden, there was silence between the two. Slowly, a grin appeared on Cagalli's face.

"Really?" Cagalli said with a slight undertone of intrigue and excitement, "I'm so proud of you!"

"Well, I am your brother…"

The siblings were smiling together again. As soon as they did a loud broadcast beep was heard outside. It was loud enough to silence everyone in the district. They looked out the window at the jumbo screen and the words read 'Emergency Broadcast'.

They ran out to see what the commotion was all about as great numbers of people from all the buildings and restaurants in the strip flooded the streets.

_Now is the moment of our reckoning… _

Time slowed to a crawl.

The twins stood with the other crowds of people that continued to flow out of the buildings of the central plaza that looked up at the jumbo screen as they heard the news. Even the traffic on the streets stopped. Murmurs could be heard all across the myriads of people in the city as the Prime Minister made his address. Most of it was beyond Kira, but of what he could pick up, he felt his impending doom.

…_The colony of Orb must not be lost! This colony is the last border before ours, and should it fall, so do we. We must act…_

Kira looked at Cagalli who was biting her lip. Her eyes were fixed on the screen with intensity the likes of which he had never seen in his entire life. She bit her lip so hard that she drew blood and her canines were slowly digging deeper into her flesh. She already knew what the politicians were asking for.

Kira grabbed Cagalli's wrist, effectively breaking her out of her trance. He yanked her through the crowds and tugged passed silent people. Cagalli used her free hand to wipe the blood off her mouth and looked back at the screen.

…_All you who were summoned… Now is the time… Your time…_

The two traversed the crowds and realized that only they were trying to escape their leader's voice. They pressed on against the maze of people, where every person they passed or shoved against released a breath or a sigh, from which the great tension could be felt. The war was upon them. They all knew it.

…_For the glory and power of the Alliance! Align yourselves with the power of our republic and destroy the foe at the gates! The heavens be upon them…_

At that, they headed home.

"Cagalli?"

"Yeah, Kira?"

"Tell Lacus for me…" He mumbled as a car passed. Cagalli didn't seem to hear. She simply frowned and stared at the concrete sidewalk.

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Cagalli sat on the couch watching the news while Kira changed in the bathroom. The media was broadcasting where the military trucks were waiting in each district throughout the city. They were for picking up all the conscripted soldiers. All those who did not respond to their summons will either be forced into their national duties or be charged for treason.

Cagalli was despairing now. Her time with the only family she had left was cut short by a war that politicians started. He had to leave immediately. She guzzled down a glass of water in the kitchen and wished time could just stop.

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Kira sat in the shower with the water beating down on him. He stared at the other end of the tub and everything slipping through. Everything was slipping away from him and swirling into that whirlpool. Something was out to get him. There was no way he could win. He could feel the gravity of it all.

His thoughts drifted again to Lacus Clyne. There was no time left to tell her about Caleb, but somehow he needed to get the message to her. Even through their falling out, he still felt an absolute need to take care of her. If she refused to allow him into her life, then he would love her at a distance. Of course, she was already gone from him. She was the least of his worries; except of course for the fact he still loved her.

He worried for his sister, who was, although headstrong and determined, afraid. She feared the worst. He could see it in her. Then again, she always did, especially after the loss of their parents.

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Kira opened the bathroom door and the moment he did, Cagalli broke down. He was in full uniform and ready to leave. He saw his sister drop and ran to her where she cried on her knees on the cold tile floor of their kitchen. He held quivering body her in his arms as she held the cloth of his shirt. This was the last embrace until the end of the war that the twins would share.

"Kira… let me go with you to the drop off…"

"Cagalli… It's just easier this way." Kira muttered with a frown. "…At least for me."

There was nothing left to say. Cagalli gave her brother a kiss on the cheek, and held him around his neck tight once more. Tears nearly flowed out of her eyes, but she didn't make a sound and not a single tear made it out. She wanted to be strong for her brother, so he doesn't cry too.

"Cagalli, please take care of yourself, okay? I'll come back, I really will… It won't be like Mom and Dad again…"

And so, Kira left. And Cagalli just stood at the door. Maybe she was just waiting for him to return. She did the same when their parents left.

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The sun was setting when Kira had left. When he arrived, the drop off was empty. Kira was late and he had to run through the 'Road of Triumph', where the trucks were all passing. It was a great, white cobblestone road where praises for all achievements for the Alliance are paraded through. Much the same as a Roman triumph. He had to race there, else he may be punished.

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Kira found the convoy of trucks passing like a stream along the road. The seas of people weren't helping him get there. He forced his way to the forefront of the crowd and slipped passed the barricades and ran alongside the trucks. They were moving too fast and there wasn't much space between each succession of groups. He needed to jump on to the large flatbeds, but he couldn't find the most opportune moment quite yet.

Suddenly, as if on cue, the truck right beside him stopped abruptly and honked. Someone must have crossed illegally. What a lifesaver. The moment he jumped onto the back of the truck, a pink blur whipped passed the front of the truck and disappeared into the crowds.

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Lacus made it across the convoy of trucks participating in the Triumph, her heart still racing after nearly being hit by a truck. She could very well have died. She wanted to visit Kira desperately but the commotion after the announcement wasn't making it any easier. She needed to tell him her heart, whether he cared to take her back or not.


	7. Forgotten Lullabies

Chapter 7 –

Forgotten Lullabies

Lacus ran through the thickening crowds of the city as the wild roar of the frenzied citizens rang in her ears. She bumped an ocean of people on the sidewalk as wave upon wave of shoulders crashed into her. She body ached from the running and the bumping, the crashing and grinding, but she needed to see Kira. There couldn't possibly be any other way or time. He wasn't at school today. She wished he was. Today was the day she would tell him the truth. The truth about all the lies she told herself about how she didn't love him. She loved him with all her heart and she knew that now.

Through the day, she sat and looked back at the empty seat on the other side of the room. She stared at the space where he ought to have been. She stared where she would stand by at the end of the day, waiting for him to take her by the arm and walk her home. He wasn't there. When he was, he didn't even look at her. She longed to see that smile. She wanted so badly to smile back.

Lacus finally reached the building. She huffed and panted as she approached the phone. She needed to call Kira and have him unlock the door: if he does, then she's home free. He'll hear what she has to say, and the weight will be off her shoulders. If he didn't love her anymore, that was fine, as long as he knew that she would always love him.

She still remembered the 5 digit number to buzz their home. She dialed and waited. She stood and waited as the rings kept ringing. No one answered. She just stood there and waited and dialed and waited, through the rings and the silences and the constant repeating of Kira's voice message prompt. This was the only time she could hear his voice. For a moment, she could hear herself giggling in the background as Kira spoke.

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Cagalli walked through the front doors and passed the desk of the napping security guard at the front. She turned the corner, dragging her feet all the way. She left to see the Triumph. She wanted to see her brother one last time. She didn't.

She stood and waited for the elevators to come. She didn't want them to; after all, this would be the first time she would be going home to an empty house. It felt the same way when they found out about their parents.

When she entered the room, there was nothing left for her to do except perhaps to sit in the far corner of the room and cry. The phone rang. There was no point in answering. It wasn't Kira. Her brother was gone.

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"Hey, how ya doin' Yamato," Dearka Elsman, a cocky young soldier said as he walked up to Kira.

Kira turned away from the railing he was leaning on. He was appreciating the sea breeze as they waited on the battleship _Archangel_ en route to the Orb colonies. Many thoughts ran through his mind as he remembered the months he was training. This was the culminating moment for them. Orb was what they were trained for. He ran his fingers through his messy hair which just seemed to fly all over the place. He looked at his sleeve. The insignia of the _Alliance_ was emblazoned in yellow.

"'Sup Dearka…"

"Where's Athie-boy?"

"Caf. You know him. That man can eat," Kira said as he turned away again.

"Meh, I know what you mean," Dearka said as he leaned against the railing alongside his squad buddy, "Heh, guess what?"

Kira simply nodded as he continued to stare at the water. The sun was up high this afternoon and seemed to glare against the clear blue ocean tide. He squinted against the light.

"You know the caf girl?" Dearka said as he nodded his head suggestively.

"Oh," Kira said, not knowing how to respond, "good job then?"

"That's right…" Dearka said smugly, seeming very pleased with himself.

Just then a young blue haired boy munching on a croissant arrived from behind the two. He closed his eyes as he chewed, very much enjoying the flavour. As it would turn out, he was not only a croissant connoisseur, but also a connoisseur of Spanish, French, and Italian cuisine, along with the occasional coffee and tea binges. Kira turned to him with a smirk on his face.

"Looks like even after 3 months of shit, some people never change," Dearka chuckled.

"Hey, I'm only taking advantage of…" Athrun stopped for a moment. He spoke with his mouth full. He swallowed and gulped, with a bit of difficulty and continued, "… of the resources given. Mwu says it may be the best we can do for a last meal. On top of that, did you see that…?"

"Caf girl? We know…" Kira interrupted as he continued staring into the distance.

Dearka simply nodded, looking satisfied with himself. The three laughed. It seemed almost unnatural, but they did.

There were 8 men in their squad: Kira, Athrun, Dearka, Mwu, Tolle, Jessop, Miguel, and Ehren. The eight became close over the three months of training that they had since they were shipped off. They all understood what each one was about. Kira was the stoic student from outside Heliopolis. Athrun was the son of a rich, highly militaristic father with a god complex – Chairman Zala, said to be the master of the military industry. Dearka was a promiscuous party boy with no apparent ambition. Tolle and Jessop were both law interns at a firm in Old Heliopolis; one of the best firms in the business. Miguel was the only one who consciously signed up as a professional soldier in the group. Ehren was a University student. And Mwu…

Mwu was a botanist.

"And what are you lads talking about?" Mwu said as he arrived with Tolle at his right.

For hours, the five talked. For hours, the five would stand and laugh even though they knew they were facing an impending doom. They smiled and remained jolly; after all, the island wasn't in sight. There was nothing to fear just yet. In that case, there really was nothing left to do but make the most of what they had left of their time. Nothing left but to smile, even if there was nothing to smile about. Chin up while you still got one…

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It was 3 months since she saw Kira. Lacus felt a growing emptiness inside of her. It was like a thirst that never ended, with Kira being the only way to quench it. She would sit at home for long periods of time sorting her closet and looking at the old pictures and sentimental items. Kira was all she could think about.

It was still dark when she began sorting, just before sunrise. She felt sentimental. She couldn't sleep.

She thought back to all the times she tried asking Cagalli where he was, but time and again, she would be told off.

"Bitch, like you care…" Cagalli would say to her, leaving her questions unanswered. The thing about Cagalli was that she refused to understand that she had changed. She smiled a sorrowful smile as she remembered all the times they bumped heads about different issues regarding Kira, one from a sister's point of view and the other from a lover's. She remembered how she worried about Cagalli becoming her sister-in-law. She remembered how Kira laughed at her for worrying about such frivolous things.

She remembered when Kira laughed, and she remembered when Kira was there at all.

Those days seemed long gone now.

Sometimes she would call their home, in the hopes that one day Kira would answer, but of course, no one did. This always disappointed her, but only served to strengthen and invigorate her mettle. She would make things right and set things straight. This was what drove her.

She looked at an old picture of them together and saw the smiles on the faces of the boy and the girl embracing in the picture. She looked out the window at the morning sun and thought to herself that perhaps today he would be back. Today, he wouldn't run away from her. It would be today that she could show him her love again.

She slipped the picture inside her day planner and placed it in her bag. She needed to leave now or else be late for class.

It would seem nothing could smash her hopes. Kira would always be around and she would forever love him. This was her conviction, and the strongest one since, but for now, she would have to wait. The worst part about it was she never knew how long it would take, and also that she didn't know where he was.

_Would it help if I knew? Would that really make it better? _

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Kira held his head down as he hid behind a burning car. The gunfire was still ringing in his ears. Mwu crouched down beside him as an artillery shell crashed into an armoured vehicle down the road from there.

"Kira! Three guys moving across from us!"

At that, Kira stood up and pointed his armalite over the hood of the car. He squeezed the trigger and the recoil shocked his arm for a moment. He aimed and fired as the men he was targeting moved behind the cover of a concrete wall in the lobby of the adjacent building. His bullets tore through the then untouched grey stone of the building. Just then, he saw one of their SMGs peep around the corner. It was firing and the bullets were ricocheting off the car he and Mwu were hiding behind. Kira crouched down again as a bullet grazed the top of his helmet.

Athrun ran toward Kira and Mwu with Dearka behind him as well as Miguel and Tolle. They ran staying as low as possible and they took cover close to the car in the middle of the street. They hugged the walls in the outside of the parking building next to them. It would seem that they had lost Ehren and Jessop in a prior firefight.

Jessop lay in the dirt choking on his own blood in a small side street when he fell too far behind the group in an attempt to cover them. There was no time to retrieve his body. Ehren's body on the other hand, was virtually vapourized by and anti-tank machinegun fired from a tank that he unfortunately came across on the way to the intersection.

Suddenly, one of the _Union_ soldiers ran out in an attempt to cross the street as a hailstorm of bullets came from the _Alliance_ side of the main road. Kira stood once again, as did Mwu, out of their cover and they began firing at the stray soldier. Then, as if out of nowhere, the 3 soldiers he had fired at prior to the sudden outburst of the stray soldier came out of the debris of the concrete. Kira aimed for the group.

The _Union_ forces were terrifying to the _Alliance. _Kira watched as they ran and for a split second he thought he saw a monster. They wore black helmets with red eyes for visors, and the rest of their clothes were black as well. It was like fighting an army of shadows.

One of the men he was aiming for was plugged with 5 bullets at least and even though this was so, he didn't stop shooting. That was the first time Kira had killed a man.

Kira thought he had only killed a monster, nothing more, so it was only right.


	8. Sons of the Rain

Chapter 8 –

Sons of the Rain

Lacus, Misa, and Billie were walking along the dampened sidewalk under the darkened skies. The three trudged along as they usually did on weekends on the way to expensive stores in the main strip. Lacus stared at the sidewalk intently as though it was there that she would find the answers. It had been 5 months since she had seen Kira now, and she began to feel the doubts in her heart resurfacing. Perhaps there was no hope.

"You know Lacus…" Billie started. When she started a sentence like that, people usually knew she was about to be blunt.

"… Kira got drafted."

Lacus looked away from her friends so that they couldn't see her face. She averted her gaze from them and took in a deep breath.

"They couldn't have drafted him," Lacus said in an almost inaudible volume of speaking, "He wouldn't hurt a fly, and besides… no other guy was picked up from the school."

"Lacus, open your eyes! Kira may have gone to our school along with the other guys, but do you really think he's the same as all of them? Do you honestly think he could pay off the officials to get him outta the service? He doesn't even have parents to take care of that for him!" Billie blurted out, rather loudly. Misa flinched at the directness of the statement. Lacus' face simply remained blank.

"He's just another poor-ass kid…"

"…shut up, Billie…" she muttered under her breath.

_He's worth more to me than anything… _

She shivered as a cold wind passed and looked at her friends with tears welling in her eyes. The trio stopped walking for a while. Misa wrapped her arm around her pink haired friend to console her. She sobbed silently. Lacus shifted her weight, throwing off her friend's arm and proceeded to walk away from their destination. Misa and Billie simply stood staring at their friend who was disappearing once again into the side roads. The two looked at each other trying to figure out if they should make pursuit, but decided against it. Perhaps it would be better if she had some of her time alone.

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"You got a girl of your own, Kira?" Miguel asked.

The remaining 6 men of the squad sat in a half torn down church in the first district – it was the eastern most district of the island colony of Orb. The place may have been small, but the many facets of their cities were difficult to grasp – from the high-rises, the upper level of the city, to the underground sprawls – there was always a place that could have been missed. At this point, they were situated approximately 20 clicks away from headquarters. _Alliance_ forces managed to take control of over about a quarter of the colony of Orb within the passed 2 months.

"Does it really matter if Yamato's got a girl?" Dearka yawned as he stretched from the stairs to the altar, "I mean, c'mon, all we can really look forward to is to go home to more bullshit. It's a battlefield all on its own."

Athrun shifted from underneath the altar he leaned against. He laughed lightly as the rain continued pouring outside. It became stormy early in the afternoon and it was turning all the unpaved and torn up roads muddy. Mwu sat in the front pews and pulled out a cigarette from his front breast pocket and lit it in silence.

"Nah, doesn't really matter, eh Kira?" The blue haired boy said as he began fiddling with his M14 rifle, "We go home to unfaithful women, friends that never really gave a shit and more facades to deal with than anyone could ever imagine."

"Not my Mir…" a half asleep Tolle muttered as he turned onto his side.

Mwu looked up and smiled ever so slightly in response to the semi-conscious, love-struck boy's comment.

Lightning struck, and then some time later, a bellowing thunder could be heard. There were flashes of light, then a creeping of shadows into the church while the dropping temperature battered at them.

Kira drank from what liquor he had in his container, closed the flask and looked outward into the rain. It would have been romantic. The din of the clapping rain pattering against the church walls and the ground gave a sense of something almost peaceful.

"…She beat me to it…"

Miguel raised an eyebrow at the unexpected answer and leaned forward. Athrun turned his attention away from his rifle while Tolle continued napping. Dearka opened one eye and directed attention to Kira, as did Mwu.

"What's that mean?" Athrun asked, curiosity rising out of the mystery of what was said.

"She left me just a little before I was drafted," Kira halfheartedly smiled, "No woman really to look forward to seeing other than the only family I got left..."

"Tell us about your girl… might make you feel better?" Mwu said.

Kira nodded.

"She was a pretty girl, long flowing pink hair. She was nice to me…" He stopped and looked at his squad mates as though he was finished speaking.

"Yamato, don't give us bullshit, we wanna hear a real damn story, a'right?" Dearka burst out in his usual crass way. Silence set in.

"…Her name's Lacus. Lacus Clyne. I knew her since we were kids, and her family took care of me and my sister since our parents died in the war. We were together for a while, but I guess I just didn't cut it for her. I love her… she said she loved me back, but at the end of it all she said she was just lying to me and herself… I still love her though. She left me for some other rich jock kid.

"She just stopped talking to me one day, so I figured I might as well leave her alone, 'cause, well, that's what she wanted… I just wanted her to be happy. I didn't want her sad 'cause of me. She's pretty, but she's so much more beautiful when she smiles. It's like all the shit we've gone through goes away when I think of it… but then I remember she doesn't even give a rat's ass about me… but then… that's all I wanted to see, y'know… Just when she smiles…

Silence came over the group again, as though they had all engulfed themselves in thought. Thoughts about the ones they left behind, and the ones they wished they didn't take for granted.

"You know what I just remembered? I forgot to send Jessop's and Ehren's girlfriends some letters…" Miguel mumbled to himself.

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Lacus sat on her bed holding a small stuffed dog that Kira had given her for her 11th birthday. She squeezed it tightly in her arms as she held the phone to her ear.

_It's been_ 5_ months and still no word from him. Does he hate me that much? Cagalli's the only way to get to him. I need her help, but she hates me too. Where could he be? _

_He isn't fighting… he just couldn't be. He's too young to be drafted. They can't take him away. No one else at school is gone, Kira can't be either. He's just taking a few months away, that's all. Even if he did get a summons, he would have already asked my daddy for help, right? He doesn't want to fight either, so if that happened, he probably would have… _

_He went for just a short vacation to clear his head probably… Clear his head about our whole situation. He's alright._

_Kira…_

Suddenly, the rings stopped. This snapped her out of her thoughts. Her courage built up within her. Finally, someone was answering her calls. Billie was wrong.

"Hello?" said a voice with a dull demeanor from the other line. Lacus' heart sank.

"Cagalli…"

"Oh… it's you…" she said. A light, smug scoff could be heard from the other line. Lacus had come to know this to be what Cagalli does when she thinks she senses 'bullshit'. Of course, 'bullshit' was simply another term that Cagalli believed could be equated to everything Lacus said, and everything Lacus stood for. **Bullshit**.

"Wait, please, don't hang up. I just want to know where Kira is, please Cagalli, I just want to talk to him, please!" Lacus begged in an almost pitiful manner.

"He's not here, Lacus…"

"Then where can I reach him? Where did he go, I want to visit him… make things… right…" Lacus said pensively.

A short pause came between the two.

"Where do you think he is?" Cagalli whispered with a heavy sorrow weighing down each word. Every bit of sorrow could be felt emanating from every syllable.

An eerie silence came over her. She couldn't speak and dropped the phone to the ground. A barely audible voice still came from the earpiece of the phone, but it was disregarded. Lacus' breathing was normal, but a terrible fear had overcome her. The tears fell, but she couldn't make a sound.

"_No… he's not gone," _she told herself, _"he can't leave me like this…he wouldn't ever… he promised."_

She denied every logical reason. He was mad at her, and that's all it was. That's all she wanted to believe. Kira wasn't gone.

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Kira looked to his right. Ricardo, a middle aged gentleman he met on the _Archangel_ was attempting to radio headquarters to send some support units to the site. 'Three kids, divorced' was the way he introduced himself. Whole numbers of squads, including Kira's, were sent to advance on the 12th district but were receiving heavy resistance.

A bullet ricocheted off the pillar Kira stood beside, almost grazing his hip. He looked again to the radioman across the strip, but when he looked at him his face grimaced as though terrified. A split second later he was gone. Dirt and debris exploded from the ground Ricardo once stood upon.

All six in his squad were hiding behind cover, shooting blindly at what they could hear, looking at what they were shooting when it appeared safe to do so. The rain and the wind were blowing wildly, causing a significantly lower visibility.

"Advance!" Kira heard Mwu's powerful voice bellow, slightly muffled by the roaring sounds all around them.

In response, the five boys under their squad leader swiftly moved closer to their desired targets, looking for some cover, crouching and shooting wildly as they ran as low as possible. Dirt and debris was floating all around them as the loud booms from tanks, artillery, an explosives clashed with the thunder in the sky.

_Alliance_ tanks turned the corner and blew away the light-armour vehicles the _Union_ forces used to counteract the advancing troops. Enemy combatants began to charge in an attempt to somehow get away by killing their pursuers. Most were shot down where they stood.

One squad that the six came to know was left with one man running down the street toward them. They waved him over. All his friends were dead. He hugged walls tightly to keep cover. With less than a hundred metres left, a loud crackling noise came from a building opposite the running man. His head suddenly exploded and his body slumped, limp on the sidewalk.

Athrun quickly laid down on his belly and looked through his own scope on his M14 and began firing at the bullet's point of origin. Kira and Dearka leaned close to Athrun. More enemy combatants were spotted moving in from their left. More firing. More reloading. More men falling dead in their tracks.

Blood flowed through the streets and leaked into the grates of the underground. No one noticed.


	9. Paradiso

Chapter 9 –

Paradiso

Two boys stood along the railings of the bluffs along the southeastern shore. Athrun leaned against the steel bars with an unlit cigarette in his mouth with Kira beside him, hands in his pockets. To their left, they could see the glistening ocean, glaring in the afternoon sun. To their front, they saw an overview of the city and the true expanse of what they were fighting to control. Small flashes of light could be spotted through the buildings in the distance. Flames could be seen engulfing buildings here and there, and gunfire echoed through the cavernous maw of the concrete beast.

"It's good to be pulled out, eh Kira, even for just a month."

"Yeah, great. An entire month stuck on a battleship in prep…"

"Hey… don't complain. Better food, and a little more of a relaxed feel. You can get some sleep finally... hopefully?"

"It's too bad they couldn't have us take a break back home… For cryin' out loud, we're off the coast of the place we're fighting in! That's hardly any consolation…"

"They need us for the planning of the largest assault, I suppose. They're holding the lines with smaller forces for now. Plus, our division is missing a hell of a lot of people. We got hit hard. Mwu says we acted a lot more like shock troops than anything, but since we proved ourselves so damn useful for that, 302nd is taking our place so we can replenish forces and continue to push. I heard a rumour… "

"Whatever…" Kira whispered cutting Athrun off as he tuned out for another little while.

"…that high command is trusting _our_ division for the next full scale assault on the city. Like some big push that'll end the war a year earlier than expected…" Athrun continued.

The wind swept up the dust around them, but neither flinched. Athrun lit his cigarette and puffed.

It would appear that high command was getting desperate. It was the final rage of the lions before the hunters were able to kill them.

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Athrun, Dearka, and Yzak – a friend of theirs from another squad – sat on the ledge of the _Archangel_ overlooking the coast of Orb as the skies became overcast. The three sported faces of boredom and irritationas they felt the breeze get colder. Yzak stretched and yawned while Dearka scratched his eyes. Athrun continued to stare into space. They shifted uncomfortably.

"Where's Mwu?" Dearka asked, breaking the silence.

"He's in with the other squad leaders with the bitches from high-command," Yzak replied smugly as he drummed his fingers against the steel floors of the upper deck.

"Yup. They're planning the big assault now. They said the plan can end the war a few years earlier than expected, with us victorious of course," Athrun said as he continued to watch the choppy white-capped waters of the ocean.

"On the topic of missing people, where are the other three in your little group of douchebags?" Yzak snorted.

"I dunno where Kira is, but…" Dearka started, but was cut off by Athrun.

"Tolle and Miguel are having a hotdog eating competition in the main lounge and Kira… well, let's just say he's with a pretty young redhead."

"Holy shit!" Both Yzak and Dearka yelped simultaneously, "Who is it?"

"Some civilian girl they picked up in 8th district."

"How long has it been?" Dearka inquired as Yzak listened intently.

"A couple days in since we got here," Athrun laughed, "Those two hit it off pretty well."

A drop of water plopped on the tip of Dearka's nose.

"I fuckin' hate Orb weather."

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Lacus stood by the door of Kira's apartment building while she waited for a tenant to open the main doors for her. She had been standing by for almost an hour now. It was alright though, because, luckily, the weather was good this Saturday morning.

Finally, after waiting through what seemed like forever, one of the tenants walked in with immense amounts of groceries – so many that the pile of groceries in two oversize paper bags seemed to tower over her head. It was a wonder that she knew where she was going. She wore a baseball cap, so she probably couldn't even see the top of her groceries. Lacus opened the door for the girl and she unlocked the main door with her keys as she leaned against the glass divider, miraculously holding both bags in a one-armed embrace. Lacus helped her through that next door and walked in with her.

Lacus walked straight to the elevators, and luckily there was already one there. She tensed up and became apprehensive as each step brought her closer to this confrontation. Perhaps this time Cagalli would listen. _Maybe this time, Kira would be there. _

Time ticked away in that elevator. Lacus' mind simply went blank. She didn't know what to say, she had nothing to rehearse, and she knew she wasn't prepared for it, but she knew she wanted to do this now. She wanted so badly to feel Kira hold her hand again. She wanted so badly for him to kiss her again, and to hold her the way he did – that way that made her feel so special.

She reached their floor, and walked cautiously to the twins' door. She lifter her arm and aimed her knuckles carefully on dark wooden door. She stared at the door, but waited and took a few breaths before knocking. She struck the door. At first she waited, but there was nothing. She knocked again, but still nothing. They weren't home.

As she was about to turn and leave, she heard the elevator doors open, and the girl with the groceries staggered out and walked right beside her. She wrapped one arm around her bags, took out her keys, and unlocked the door.

"Well, I figured you'd show up eventually…" Cagalli said as she turned to look at Lacus while she still struggled with the immense bags.

Lacus nodded.

She walked in behind Cagalli and carefully slipped off her shoes beside the door. It had been so long since she had been in this apartment. She remembered the dinner table and the windows and the couch - most especially the couch. She smiled to herself.

"So, what is it you want?" Cagalli asked as she organized the canned goods she bought. She moved the other boxes and cans in the cupboards to make more room.

"I wanted to talk to you…" she paused for a moment, "and Kira…"

Cagalli stopped what she was doing.

"Lacus…" Cagalli started, still refusing to look at Lacus, "Kira was… drafted. I thought that maybe you already knew…"

Lacus clenched her fists.

"I guess I did…" Lacus said, jaw tightening with every word as she held back tears. For so long she would tell herself that he just decided to take some time away. She had been fooling herself. She wished that she could just fix things with him. Things would be different. Perhaps if she had been able to do it sooner, he wouldn't be gone. He would still be home to know that she loved him, but he left without saying goodbye.

Cagalli resumed organizing and Lacus began feeling uncomfortable. She shifted and looked around the room. She watched Cagalli for a moment and attempted to break the silence between them.

"Why do you have so many groceries?"

"You never know… he might come back anytime."

Hearing that broke her heart a little more. She knew the underlying optimism in those words, and yet, those words made all seem practically lost. It was reasonable to believe that he may not return. Not many people did. Not from this war.

"Cagalli, I love him... I wanna be able to be a part of his life again when he gets back… 'cause I know he will. He'll be back… I was wrong for what I did… and I'm sorry…Cagalli, I made a mistake and… I can explain."

"You don't have to. It doesn't matter to me anymore. It's all fine with me, just as long as you make him happy. I can't stand it when he's miserable…" Cagalli turned to Lacus and frowned before turning away again, "but I swear, if you hurt him again… I'll never forgive you... but then again, it's not getting my forgiveness that you should be worrying about..."

"I know…"

The two stopped moving. The tension was unbearable.

"He loves you, you know, even through all that shit… always has…"

"I… really?"

Cagalli didn't respond. She cleaned up the mess in the kitchen and threw the bags in the cabinet under the sink.

"When you write your next letter, can I write something too?"

Cagalli looked behind her shoulder at Lacus with a frown.

"We're not allowed to communicate with the soldiers at Orb…"

Lacus and Cagalli stood once more in a dreary, lingering, deafening silence. He could fall at anytime, and Lacus would never know if she lost him. She could lose him anytime, and he would never know that she loved him with all her being.

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Kira lay on the cold steel, taking in the night sky. He lived in the cities for all his life; he had never truly seen the stars with such clarity. He felt the young redhead at his shoulder nuzzle him while she interlocked her legs with his. Kira smiled. He felt a warmth burn inside of him whenever he spent time with her. She stared at the same sky, laying on the same floor, but most importantly, laying down _with him_. Kira breathed in deeply. His muscles relaxed as she ran her hand across his chest.

"Kira… If you leave again… you'll come back to me right?"

"Of course I will…" Kira answered, slightly concerned at the girl's worry, "What's the matter Fllay?"

"I just want to be with you, that's all."

"Fllay…"

"I have a present for you. It's not much… but it might help you get to sleep at night."

Kira sat up as she did. She reached into the pocket of her shorts and produced an mp3 player. She placed it in his hands and smiled at him. Kira smiled back. He felt such peace while he was with her. She cared for him so much. A lot like Lacus…

Kira leaned down and planted a soft kiss on the girl's lips. She embraced him tightly.

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Kira and Fllay sat in her room, leaning onto each other as they kicked about the sheets in her bunk. It was early in the morning and Kira just felt like visiting her. She was still wearing her pajamas and her hair was ruffled. Kira was glad to simply be with her. He spent almost every waking hour with her, feeling such comfort, but today her felt a certain uneasiness. He needed her to help him let go of a festering pain within him.

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"You know… I used to tell myself that these hands were for holding hers…"

Fllay reached to him. She caressed his palms with her fingertips as he watched. He closed his hands to hold her, and their hands interlocked as they huddled together in Fllay's bunk. She felt them. They were rough, with the experience of battle. He clutched her hand tightly as he took in its warmth.

"…maybe I just got the name wrong…"

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On the last day of the preparations of the division which Mwu's squad belonged to, there was one final party to commemorate this day. The day before D-day: historically, this day meant nothing as compared to the magnitude of the day after, but it meant something to all the men. It could be the last day they see. Probably the last sunset for many of them, worst of all, the last time they may be able to have a drink with some of their friends.

For many hours, the men of the squads sat around in the common room and talked with each other. They were preparing themselves for what was to come. A friendly drink here and a cheery toast there, all to mask the seeds of fear that were buried within them, waiting to burst out and germinate. Eventually, Kira looked at his friends nodded to them and stood, all of them nodding back to him knowingly. It was late in the night, but there was still time to bide before facing the inevitable.

All that were left were the 5 other men in his squad felt as though they were lost. There was nothing left to do but wait. All communications to the isle was shut down due to the operation and talks of it for many months since. There was no way for anyone to call from home to say good luck, or more likely, goodbye.

Tolle wouldn't be able to say goodbye to Miriallia, but his face looked as though he already did long ago, right when he received the letter, as though he himself knew he would have to say goodbye. He simply stared at her picture that he always kept in his front pocket, 'closest to his heart', as he would always say.

Athrun, Mwu, and Dearka had no one to say goodbye to. For some, it may seem like a relief, but somehow, at the twilight hour, it would have been nice to know someone was waiting for your call. Athrun didn't want to contact his father. He was a cruel man to him. He was responsible for forcing Athrun's application and conscription. He wished his mother were still around. At least she didn't want him to die.

Mwu was a widower. A mere year passed since his beloved wife died in childbirth. Both mother and child were lost. Mwu only had people waiting on the other side.

Dearka was an orphan without one real woman to call his own. He simply jumped from place to place. It was as though he regretted all that now with the look he sported on his face. He wanted someone to wait for him to come home, to say sweet-nothings to for the rest of his life.

It seemed that only Miguel remained jovial. He joined not only to fight, but to end the war. He wanted to be a returning hero, one of the men that ended the fighting. It was childish of him to think in such a way, but it was an optimistic standpoint. He was a breath of fresh air from all the wafting angst.

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Kira walked through the halls of the battleship as he made his way to a certain door. He placed his hand against it and, as if on cue, it opened, welcoming him with a pair of lips that were now more familiar to him than his own home. The door closed and the world seemed to be at peace, at least for the night.

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"Shit, I'm late," Kira said as he put his uniform on, chastising himself for not waking up early enough.

"Late…" A familiar voice whispered to him from underneath the covers.

"I promised you I'll be back. We'll win and this'll all be over, and you can come home with me."

"Kira… where will you be…"

"Orb…"

"Where there? Kira please… tell me… I just want to know…"

"I'll be back, I already told you. Don't worry about a thing, alright?"

"Kira…" Fllay threw the covers off of herself, exposing her bare body to the frigid chill of the room, "I just want to know… so I know where I can find you…"

Moments after she spoke those words, tears flowed from her eyes profusely. She sobbed and grabbed onto Kira who sat at the edge of the bed. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and he held her arms as they held him in an unrelenting embrace.

"Promise me you'll be there to greet me when all this is over…"

"I promise…" she said as she buried her face into his neck.

"If I don't… make it… be there for me, alright? Take me home…with you."

"I promise you, Kira… you mean the world to me," she said as her eyes watered, "Where can I find you?"

"Around where you told me you used to live before this whole ordeal," Kira said with a kind smile.

"You can help me move out of the colonies when we win this," she told him as she smiled. He turned to her looked at her smiling face. His heart was filled with her smile and for a while he knew why he wanted to go home. For a while, he knew why he wanted to live. He was searching for that loving smile. Perhaps it really was hers.

He turned to kiss her one last time and walked out the room.

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Fllay walked along the upper deck of the ship. Its immensity baffled her. It not only contained refugees recently saved from the Orb colony as well as an entire division before they were dispatched, and ship personnel on top of that.

The troops of all the ships stationed along the coast were dispatched. Fllay continued to walk while she held a small folder in her hand. She stared at the ground as she took each step, listening to the clangs that each footstep made against the cold hard steel. The same cold floors that the young man she recently met warmed for her. She felt a soft nudge on her shoulder and she dropped the folder on the ground. She had bumped into a ship officer that she met before as well. It was a young officer named Sai Argyle.

"Oh… I'm sorry," he said to her as he bent down to pick up the folder. He held it in his hands looked at her for a while, then turned away and left. Fllay simply walked back to her assigned quarters.

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"_Commander, the main force of the Alliance is headed for the 8th district."_

Static shot through the reception.

"_Good job, Argyle. The two of you will be extracted immediately. Make sure you are at the rendezvous point on the shore. Orb is ours. The Alliance is finished."_

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"You know what Kira? You shouldn't take anything you have for granted," Tolle said as they sat in a building, as the squad waited for the signal to commence the attacks. In this room, Mwu, Tolle, and Kira waited, while Dearka, Athrun, and Miguel watched the staircase, across to the other side of the building. They were situated on the second floor of the complex.

"What do you mean? I don't…"

"No, I mean... well, sometimes, you look back and wish you never stopped caring… like you wish you never forgot what was really important… 'cause… well you feel _it_ again, whatever _it_ is, because you realize that you may lose those things that actually turned out to be important to you," Tolle said, as he shuffled through his words, trying his best to piece together his thoughts to illustrate it to his friend.

"Do you regret anything, Tolle?" Kira asked.

"Yeah…" he said after a short time, "Mir and I had a fight before I left. Looking back on it, I really was an ass. I tried to apologize to her when we were at 'boot camp', call her up, you know? She told me to forget it, and that she loves me, and she just wants me to come home. I regret the way I left. I didn't even kiss her goodbye…"

Kira sat beside his friend and glanced at Mwu, who stood, watchful, peering out the window. Kira thought about the past and the things he left behind, and the things he lost.

Suddenly, across from him, a bullet embedded itself on the wall, cracking the concrete. He heard choking sounds beside him and turned to see that Tolle was clutching his throat, blood spilling out from between his fingers. Kira's eyes widened with horror.

"Tolle!" he heard Mwu yell. Mwu ran and slid on his knees to Tolle's aid.

Tolle reached into his pocket slowly, and with his bloody fingers he held the picture of Miriallia, looked at it one last time, and reached out to give it to Kira. Kira grabbed his hand, and held the picture tightly. He leaned toward Tolle quickly, still shaking with shock, and tried to hold down the blood which gushed from his wound.

"Tolle, you have to hold on!" Kira exclaimed, but Tolle was losing consciousness, "Tolle! What about Mir?!"

Kira's eyes began to tear up as he shook his friend. He looked up at Mwu, who tried to stabilize the boy but still held a disheartened expression. Suddenly, outside, the silence was broken with an explosion of gunshots from all directions.

"Tank! Mwu get outta there!" They heard from outside. Kira watched as his friend lost himself and lost consciousness. Tolle was dead. Mwu sprung to action and grabbed the trembling Kira away from the corpse that was their friend. As they dove out of the room behind them, it exploded, demolishing that corner of the building.

"Kira, Mwu!" Athrun called out, Dearka at his heels, "Where's Tolle?"

"Dead," Mwu said simply with a pained look on his face, "Miguel?"

"He's covering the downstairs for our exit."

Kira was still on his knees, being held up by the kevlar vest by Mwu. Between his fingers was the picture of the girl that Tolle loved.

This wasn't part of the plan. It was the _Alliance_ that was supposed to catch the _Union _forces off-guard, not the other way around.

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Five of the squad members hugged the walls of a small residential complex as they braced themselves to cross one of the largest intersections. Their destination was the bridge connecting them to the next district. The 8th district was swarmed by ambush parties

Across from them were two other squads, and beside them, was two more. Dearka looked across and saw one of his other friends, Yzak, and called to him. He waved back and spoke to his squad leader.

"Covering fire!" they heard from the other side. This was their chance. Gunfire rang out from across from them. This was their signal to run. The five sprinted as fast as they could, while bullets whizzed passed their heads from both sides. The covering fire flew above them, while enemy fire barely missed them, all flying close to every visible part of them, from head to toe. They reached the next corner and peeked back, providing covering fire for the remaining squads. Behind this corner, they were missing one person. Kira looked back at the path the squads took as he fired his rifle at the enemy, and watched as they jumped over Miguel's mauled body.

Four of the squads had made it across and continued on their way back. One of the squads – all eight men – died. Two tanks had arrived, demolishing the side of the building, having the debris crush them.

All the squads had been scattered through the district, making it difficult to make a stand. Their own armoured division was destroyed by artillery fire, as well as a far larger _Union_ tank division.

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Mwu lay on the ground, grabbing onto his side as the remaining four boys stood in the emptied warehouse, trying to feel through enemy movement. They had to carry him, as his wound was worsening. He had lost a lot of blood and was barely conscious.

Kira peered out of the large warehouse door. He looked at Dearka and Athrun who were both holding Mwu around their shoulders. As he raised his arm to signal them over, a loud crash sent him flying. As he opened his eyes, he found himself laying beside the door of the warehouse and the wall where his friends once stood was broken and caved in. The dust had not yet settled when he was suddenly bombarded with bullets. He ducked down holding his helmet as another explosion happened beside him. He felt as sharp pain through his leg as he tried to run. There was no place else to go except out. There was a slim chance of survival either way.

Kira thought to himself as his legs moved him away from the fray. His friends were either dead, or simply separated from him. He hoped for the latter.


	10. From My Rotting Body

Chapter 10 –

From my Rotting Body

Kira hid behind a corner in an old office building as he heard the voice of a reporting _Union _officer as he paced the halls. Kira gripped his leg as it bled from some shrapnel lodged in his thigh. He was separated from the rest of the squad during a warehouse explosion close to the harbour, underneath the main bridge to the industrial area. He peeked around the corner and saw the man using his radio.

"What's the situation?"

"Nicol," the reception was bad, "It's… They're closing in fast and…"

They were interrupted by gunfire and a few loud explosions that shook communications for a moment.

"Goddammit! They're fuckin' relentless!"

"Forget it you two, just come back, we'll need to retreat back to the bridge," the young soldier said as he looked out the window, "we can't hold this position, and the second division was routed a little east of here, on top of that, the extraction of the informants was botched…"

Kira noticed his preoccupation with the radio conversation and ran in. He had no gun. He had fists. The harsh clicking of his boots turned the man's attention to Kira. He didn't even see it coming. Kira quickly disarmed him by striking his wrists. All he had on him was a pistol. Kira was struck in the face and he stumbled. The boy dove for the gun but Kira was too quick. His face connected with Kira's foot. Kira proceeded to beat him and kick him in the stomach.

The _Union _officer was hurled against the wall, face bleeding profusely. Kira punched him in the stomach repeatedly as he tried to hit Kira as well. A few of his wearied kicks and punches connected, but Kira was in a state of possession. Kira was killing a monster. That's all that ran through is head. He grabbed the boy by the arm and broke it at the joint and dropped him on the ground. Kira towered over him with his foot on the boy's throat as he sputtered and vomited.

"Nicol? Nicol…?" The radio said muffled and crackling from the corner of the room it was hurled toward during the brief struggle.

"Are you gonna torture me or something?" the green haired boy said as he struggled with the weight of Kira's boot on his neck, "There's nothing I can tell you…"

"What the hell do you think I am? Some kind of animal, like you Union bastards?" Kira whispered harshly, bending to hold a knife to his throat.

The two stared at each other. It was strange. Kira had never seen the face of an enemy soldier till today.

"No… you're just _another_ soldier…just like me," the young soldier muttered through more of his vomit. He hadn't yet recovered from the beating Kira had dealt him.

"We're sad little things aren't we? We're gonna fight and fight and fight, but no one's coming to save us from it all," the boy broke eye contact for a second. He was coming to terms with what was going to happen. He looked up at Kira with a terrifying serenity. His eyes began to water and shone with a pained twitch.

"I'm not like you… you… you bastards killed my friends!"

With a sudden glimmer of courage the boy looked at him, fearless as a martyr, "…You killed mine…"

Kira held him by the collar, picked him up off the ground, and pressed him against the wall. He looked down for a moment, turning his attention away from the injured _Union_ soldier, his hair covering his face. He trembled for a moment, and fell still.

"All we are now are… we're just…" he started, but never finished.

The seconds trickled by, each moment seeming longer than the other. The boys stood in silence as the grey skies outside the shattered windows loomed above. Explosions could be heard, but the boys stood in silence. Kira looked at him, and he at Kira.

_We're just… _

_No… __**I'm**__ just…_

… _a monster…_

This realization came to Kira as if it came from the boy himself. He knew it was true. The first moment he fired that gun, upon the first man he killed, he nurtured the beast.

"You know…" Kira whispered with a tone that grew more ominous with each word that came; his purple eyes grew cloudy, "…you're right." At that moment he plunged his combat knife at the base of the boy's abdomen. The _Union_ soldier gagged and winced at the pain the blade inflicted.

Kira slowly pushed the blade higher and higher. He could hear the cloth tear along with flesh, then soon, the bone. The _Union_ soldier sputtered blood on Kira's shoulder as his eyes teared up, but Kira remained silent. Kira broke passed his collar bone and stopped. The boys stood in silence once more.

Kira stepped back, leaving the blade in the carcass, his boots echoing through the empty halls. The soldier's remains stood for a moment, then fell in a lifeless lump on the ground.

Kira stared at the blood stained wall for a moment, then bent down and grabbed a piece of crumpled paper from his front pocket. It was a picture of a beautiful young girl. He turned the picture and saw there was something written on the back.

_I love you. The moment you get back here, I'm going to marry you. I promise. Come home to me…_

Kira kept it in his breast pocket and stared at the corpse that stared back at him. Booms and gunfire could be heard, but he simply stood there. He looked out the window and remembered the way Tolle held a picture of his girlfriend in his front pocket; he remembered what he read from the back of that picture. "_Come home, Tolle_," it said. These two boys were the same. He was Tolle with a different name.

And he just killed him.

For a moment he entranced himself in his own thoughts. Everything around him seemed to dissipate into nothing as darkness enshrouded him.

Death. It seemed like such a simple concept when spoken of by the living. It was the loss of bodily function and brain patterns; the permanent loss of the human consciousness. No longer human, but a piece of meat. Worm food.

That boy that lay on the ground would never feel the caress of moonlight again. It was a simple experience to be felt by most people, through childhood to seniority. It doesn't seem so pivotal an experience as so many others. It was such a simple thing to be a part of, many wouldn't even think to recognize its staggering importance but living this life in the face of death, the smallest things become valuable again. This boy would never feel that moonlight glow. He would never again feel the embrace of his lover. He would never hear her heart speak. He would never again feel anger, sorrow, hatred, pain, suffering, despair… and happiness.

As he peered into the soldier's dead eyes, Kira realized that this wasn't the worst of death. The worst of it was the way _she_ would never embrace him again. The way _she_ can never again speak her heart to him. The way _she_ would never again share that moonlight glow with him. No matter who _she_ was _she_ had still lost something that can never be gained back.

Kira stepped back when he came back to his senses. He looked around and all was as it was before he lost himself. He remembered dropping his rifle at the bridge, and he wasn't getting it back. It was best to go find an _Alliance_ unit before anyone else decided to enter the building while he was unarmed.

He bent down one last time to look at the green haired soldier. He looked no older than Kira himself. He then stood, clothes drenched in blood, then turned away and marched through the empty hallway of the first floor of the semi-destroyed office building.

His boots clicked in the darkness as he found his way to the shattered glass doors at the front. He could hear machines that were in the process of killing countless people closing in to his direction. He could hear his own heart beat pounding wildly in his chest.

He walked through the dust and the debris of the outer courtyard and staggered off absent mindedly through the dreary nothingness of this city. Today, he killed a man. He didn't kill a monster like he expected, but he sure as hell found one.

He spat a bloody tooth out onto the ground and searched the debris for a weapon of some sort. He found one in the crags created by mortar fire. It was a submachine gun; he picked it up with ease and nimbly pulled out the cartridge and checked its contents. It was hardly fired. He popped it back in and cocked it back. He looked back down in the hole and noticed small chunks of limb scattered through it. He saw the insignia of the _Union._ He felt nothing. It was the monster now, not Kira.

"There's one! Kill him!" He heard from behind him. There were two enemy soldiers closing in from that side. He jumped behind a wall as they shot at him from behind more cover.

"Sir! We need to keep moving, they're closing in on us!" Kira heard one say as he peeked around the corner.

Kira sprinted to the walls on the other side and aimed quickly. He fired in small bursts of three with terrifying accuracy. He killed one, while the other called for back up. He then sprinted toward the man while he wasn't looking and dove in from above, smashing him in the face with his gun. The man was on the ground and Kira pummeled him with the butt end of the SMG, smashing him until the man's blood covered his face completely; until the man's face was crushed inward and he was no longer recognizable.

He felt a rumble beneath his feet and saw from the hill that his allies were arriving from the north as well. They lost the 8th district but gained this sector. He waved and they waved back. He looked at the dead men underneath him then looked unto his bloodied hands.

"_This,"_ he thought to himself, "_is what your hands are for, Kira Yamato."_

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Lacus sat walked around in the mall as she exited from the high-class department store where all prices are inflated and everything is designer-wear. She held a bag tightly in her hand as she wandered through the crowds alone searching for something else to buy. In that one bag sat a box. On the box was written 'size 10, men's'.

"I hope he likes these," she muttered to herself.


	11. Redemption Song

Chapter 11 –

Redemption Song

"It's my fault…" Kira said in his newfound misery.

"Kira… we were all lied to. It's their job to figure things out without us detecting it… none of us could've known…" Athrun said, in an attempt to ease Kira's tortured heart.

"Tolle… Mwu… Miguel… I basically killed them didn't I?"

Kira stood up and placed the ear buds of his mp3 player inside his ears, nodded his head to his remaining companions, and turned away from the table. He opened the door of the conference room. It creaked even as he turned the knob. After the door had swung open he moved slowly out, as though he was in his daze again. His friends sat down and looked at each other as they felt the gravity of all they lost that day.

They could only imagine the kind of pain he would be going through. The woman he loved betrayed him, so now all he fought for was for naught.

Kira walked passed his other compatriots in the hallways, shoving passed some, and slipping through others. The only thing he could think of now was his duty as a soldier to right the wrongs he committed. To right the wrongs that killed his friends.

He looked at his mp3 player. It was on its last legs of battery power. He had less than an hour left before the sleepless nights would consume him again.

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Kira stood outside on the northwest block of the building as it emptied. The shadows grew longer as he saw the tree line contrast with the sky line. He sat in the military jeep as he looked at the open road.

He wished he could just escape, but it wasn't his road to take.

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Kira finally made his way to room 101 in their headquarters. It would seem that many men made their way there lately since their latest prisoners. He arrived at the door and stepped forward. He gulped as he stared at the numbers.

_101_

He stared at the numbers and they seemed to stare back. He could hear muffled coughs and strikes behind the door as a familiar girl's voice yelled and screamed for whatever was happening to stop.

"Please stop!" She cried from beyond the door.

Then more muffled coughs and sputters could be heard, then silence, followed by more cries from the girl. It was Fllay.

Kira took a deep breath and opened the door. The door swung open and on one end he saw Fllay backed in a corner with a soldier advancing on her, and on the other end, Sai was being beaten and tortured by any means a soldier could torture with his bare hands.

Kira took the ear buds out of his ears and looked toward the other soldiers in the room. They both stopped what they were doing for a moment, and turned their attention to Kira. He cocked his head to the side, motioning then to get out of the room.

"Wait your turn, would ya?" The soldier beating Sai said. As he did, the brunette soldier turned and hit Sai in the face with a concussive punch sending him stumbling to the corner.

The blond soldier laughed as he yanked Fllay's wrist toward him and wrapped his arm around her waist. She cringed in disgust and terror. His other hand reached for her lower regions and she opened her mouth to scream but the soldier silenced her with his tongue. All she could do was to hold his hand away from her and keep her legs tightly closed.

Kira's eyes widened as he watched in horror. He looked at the two as he clenched his fist and realized that he couldn't recognize the soldiers. They were replacements.

His lip twitched in anger as he advanced on the soldier holding Fllay. He reached out and grabbed his shoulder.

"Hey, didn't I tell you to…"

The blond soldier was cut off by sharp pains in his back, leg and wrist. Kira yanked him back, kicked him on the side of his knee, wrapped his arm around his neck while his other hand bent and put pressure on the wrist of the replacement. He yelped in pain as Kira pivoted on his rear leg and spun around effectively hurling him out the room's open door, but not before he could pocket the man's pistol.

Kira then made his way to the other soldier who had stopped beating Sai and backed himself in a corner opposite him. He held his hands up in front of his face and winced in fear as Kira approached. He was grabbed by the collar and watched in terror as Kira winded up his punch.

"Take it easy on the new ones Kira," He heard from outside. It was Yzak. He just happened to be passing by on his way to the conference room that Kira just came from, "They could be replacing you if you're not careful…"

Kira clamped down on his jaw and pushed the other one out the door. As soon as he escaped Kira's grasp he ran off in the direction his friend suddenly disappeared to.

"Hey Yamato, don't go killing our new friends now," Yzak snickered as he looked at the retreating figures down the hall, "We're gonna have to show 'em the ropes… Hey, why'd you do that anyway?"

Kira simply looked at him. Yzak looked back at him for a while, and then he heard some coughs from behind Kira. Yzak wasn't really concerned. He knew the story between him and Fllay, as well as the other traitor, Sai. Kira had every right to hurt them as much as he wanted.

Yzak averted his gaze and continued to his destination. Kira turned away and shut the door. The click of the lock could be heard.

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Yzak made it to the conference room. Around the table were Athrun and Dearka. The usual group and what was left of that squad, aside of course from Kira. The room had a sorrowful air about it. This was understandable; after all, their entire platoon suffered heavy losses. The total loss of five from a group of eight, and now two squads were to be merged together: this squad and Yzak's.

"Yamato's takin' it hard."

"We know… Where is he?" Dearka remarked.

"They coined it as 'interrogation' but it's more like torture before next week's execution. More than half of the platoon's gone all in one day. We've been pushed back substantially and it's all 'cause those two decided to go behind our backs and…"

"So he's with Fllay and Sai?" Athrun cut in.

"Yeah…" Yzak said before hesitating, "I think it's only right for him to hurt them…"

"… Did they rape Fllay?" Athrun asked rather bluntly.

"…At least twice everyday for the past week…" Yzak answered, "…I didn't think Kira'd take that well… everyone that survived the sinking of the Archangel plus our entire division knew about their little connection."

The boys all looked out the window at the blood orange sky as the distant ethereal orbs sank once again into the twilight.

"…Maybe he's just sayin' goodbye…" Dearka said somberly, head tilted to the window.

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"_You know… I used to tell myself that these hands were for holding hers…"_

_Fllay reached to him. She caressed his palms with her fingertips as he watched. He closed his hands to hold her, and their hands interlocked as they huddled together her bunk. She felt them. They were rough, with the experience of battle. He clutched her hand tightly as he took in its warmth. _

"…_maybe I just got the name wrong…"_

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Sai stumbled to Fllay in the corner of the room. He fell into her lap and she held him tightly in her arms. She wiped his badly battered face of blood with the tatters of her clothing and wiped her bruised face of tears with her forearm. He clutched on to her sore-looking arms and embraced her, burying his face on her bosom as she cried more at holding his shattered body.

The two loved each other. The two were also fighting this war. They did what needed to be done. No matter what side anyone is on in this war, they fight for all the same reasons. They just wanted the war to end. They just wanted everything to be alright again.

They were still soldiers, and so was he.

"Fllay… I don't want you hurting anymore," Kira said.

Tears came out of Kira's eyes as he placed the ear buds back into his ears. He could never forget that this music was her gift to him. It was his solace. It helped him sleep when he couldn't for so long.

The first thing he heard was the beginning of a new song. With the last strength of the battery, it was probably the last song. His hands trembled, then calmed.

He drew a deep breath.

Kira lifted his arm and pointed the weapon directly at them. From sadness, he suddenly looked as though he was filled with an insatiable rage - a rage that would tear them apart.

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"What the fuck was that?!" Athrun jumped out of his seat as he heard a gunshot. He strode across the room quickly as Dearka and Yzak followed.

The three ran as fast as humanly possible, sliding around corners and shouldering passed people, to room 101.

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_Is this all I'm good for?_

The pairs' faces watched in horror as he released the safety of the gun. They listened to the echoing click and stared into what seemed to be the most terrifying darkness in the barrel of the pistol. As they stared, it looked as though it would swallow them up.

_I'm no monster. _

Just then Kira smiled. It was soft, as though from a lover. Fllay looked at him and her mouth dropped open in fear. He turned the gun away from them.

The blood from the shot matted the floor and sprayed across the wall, but Kira's face remained serious and stone-like. It was his eyes that changed. It wasn't a terrible hatred that could be seen. It was an inconceivable sadness. He slumped to floor, and threw the gun at the other side of the room as he clutched his self-inflicted wound. His left arm was bleeding profusely.

"I bought you a bit of time…" he whispered as he stared at the floor as the pain shot through him, "I left a jeep outside on the northwest corner of the building. Keys are in glove compartment. You better go…"

"Kira! Why did you…?"

"It doesn't matter… really… I want you to get out of here okay?"

"Kira…"

They looked at each other for a moment longer, then Fllay grabbed Sai and they both ran out of the room. Their feet clapped against the ground, and each step was as thunderous as the flashes from the sky the night he and his friends sat in that church. She wasn't really an angel, but she was as close to it as he could find in the heat of a nihilistic reality. She was an angel enough to him, but she was bringing someone else with her.

This was letting go. This was saying goodbye. Along with that girl ran that monster – the monster that so strangely looked like him. The moment she takes that road, it will die.

The last song stopped abruptly, cut short before the end. All the sleepless nights would return to him now, and no one was going to save him from it.

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"Kira!" Athrun exclaimed as he dashed passed some of the others coming to check on the room. At first glance it was empty, then when they turned to the corner of the room, Kira sat there, face as stoic as ever.

"Are you alright?" Dearka said as he looked in.

"Where are they? Goddammit!" Yzak said before running toward the rest of the crowd of armed soldiers searching for the escapees.

"She pocketed the pistol from some other guy. She shot me and held me at gun point and took off. No point chasing her, she's long gone." Kira said without looking up.

Athrun simply let out a short sigh.

"Alright, Kira, let's get you to the infirmary," Athrun said quietly as he looked at his friend with pity, knowing deep in his heart that anyone who ever felt love would do the same in that situation.


	12. Vows of Revolution

Chapter 12 –

Vows of Revolution

"So they're sending us in again?" A surviving replacement soldier said to his commanding officer as he walked past four slouching figures sitting on the floor with smoke seeping out of their mouths and noses.

"Faggot…" Yzak muttered as he watched the passing soldiers.

"You oughta know," Athrun snickered as he looked over Dearka's shoulder.

"The hell does that mean, asshole?"

Athrun simply coughed. Dearka was holding back his laughter but tears were welling in his eyes. Yzak glared, but after a while he broke into a short fit of laughter as well. Soon the laughter died down and the three looked over at the one person in their group whose mind was somewhere else entirely.

Kira sat on the other end from the three, looking almost enshrouded in the smoke that he blew out from his system.

"Hey man, you alright?" Dearka asked as he peeked passed Athrun.

"Hm? Yeah… I'm fine," He said, although they knew it was a lie. Anyone who was okay after what he had gone through, hell, anyone who was okay after what any of them had gone through during the war must be a psycho. Although this is usually the case, and glumness is a regular thing, Kira was even more glum than usual.

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"Run!" Yzak yelled leading what was left of the squad through the fray, into an old looking residential complex, gunfire and artillery exploding all around them. Dearka fell down hard on his shoulder. He yelped and gritted his teeth as Athrun helped him back up. Kira sprinted behind all of them, rifle emptied of bullets.

Yzak dove into the building, followed by Athrun and Dearka. They turned to see Kira diving in, and for a moment, they saw his eyes widen and his breath sucked out of him. When he landed onto his chest, he turned over and looked down. Half of his right shin had been torn off and the half with his foot was connected to him by a small piece of flesh.

"Oh… shit…" he said weakly as he looked up to his friends who were dragging him into a dark room in the far corner of the first floor. Athrun leaned him against the wall while Dearka barred the doors. Yzak stood across the doors. He looked around at the dark, windowless room. It had only been a few minutes and Kira was already suffering from massive blood loss.

Dearka was the only one with a functioning radio at this point. He attempted to contact headquarters but all he received were muffled bursts of static, with a few words every once in a while, but generally he couldn't find anything – no signals, no other squads, nothing.

The group held their breath and Dearka quickly turned off his radio. Kira looked at the barred door with beads of sweat forming over his brow. They saw the shadows of Union officers charging in and searching the first floor of the building from underneath the cracks. They heard hard hits on the doors they hid behind. Athrun held his pistol tightly, knowing that he had only four bullets. All his squad-mates were drained of munitions so if the enemy soldiers worked their way through, he only had enough for one last stand. Luckily, Dearka had barred the doors well. The enemy soldiers quit the search and continued on their sweeps.

Afterwards, all the boys sat down close to the corner of the room, Yzak and Dearka on one wall, and Kira and Athrun on the other. For a while, they sat, listening to the events unfolding outside and all around them. The worst part is that they felt nothing out of the ordinary about the carnage ensuing. Listening to the thunderous roars of the war machines was just another day. Just another ordinary day.

"Guess we're stuck here, huh?" Dearka sighed.

"Quit whining… whiner."

"I don't see you making anything better, Yzak," Dearka scowled at the silver haired boy.

Athrun shook his head in disapproval. The four of them were trapped in one location. Surrounded at all sides, almost out of bullets (save four), and one of them was in worsening condition. Kira was bleeding profusely, and if he was left for much longer, he wouldn't make it out of this alive. As a matter of fact, given the situation, it wasn't likely any of them were going to live anyway.

Dearka scratched his head.

"After all this shit… we better win," Dearka scoffed as he rubbed his bruised shoulder, "Victory, man. I hate those bastards enough now that maybe I'll keep fighting it… Kill every one of them…"

Dearka ran his fingers through his hair.

"I wouldn't do that," Kira mumbled as he clutched his leg wound, "I killed this kid… Union soldier about our age… a little while back after that thing that went down in 8th… He… had someone waiting for him where he was at too... We probably killed his friends … and at the end of it all, I killed him... I felt like a monster... Something about fighting and all this is turning us all into what we think they are, and… I don't want to be some kind of animal…

"Victory… you know… winning this war... that's all good and great if we can manage it… but to be honest," Kira paused to take a breath and close his eyes as his beading sweat slipped into them, "I want that whole year we lost fighting this stupid war back… I don't want to have to kill anyone, or blow anything up… I like winning and being part of it but… living would've been good enough."

"Yeah…" Dearka finally responded, "I guess you're right."

"Wait," Athrun said, raising an eyebrow, "Would have?"

"Yeah… I mean look at me," Kira laughed weakly, "I'm a mess…"

"Quit being a pussy, Yamato…" Yzak whispered from his side, "We all gotta make it outta this… after what all us have been through, I think it's what we deserve. When we make it, I'll buy you all a drink when we hit the bottle again… except Dearka."

"Hey!"

"Most optimistic thing you've ever said, Yzak. Although, I didn't take you to be such a sentimental little…" Athrun smirked.

"Quiet, Zala, or… I'll give you something you can regret." Yzak glared ominously.

"You wanna know the only thing I regret?" Dearka said with a pained look on his face. His eyebrows furrowed, and he bit his lip hard. Athrun, Yzak, and Kira looked intently at Dearka.

"I… I regret…" Dearka continued with the same amount of agony shown on his face. Suddenly, he grinned.

"Aw, Jesus Christ, Dearka!" Yzak yelped, startling Kira and Athrun. He leaned away from Dearka as he held his nose. Dearka chuckled heartily, and suddenly the boys all burst into a hushed laughter. The stench of Dearka's emissions wafted around the room for a while affecting all the boys, and forcing them into a slight convulsion, but before long, it dissipated. They laughed and laughed, despite all that was occurring outside of the room, but they no longer cared. This was the first time they had truly laughed, with a genuine happiness, in almost a year.

The situation was hopeless, but it no longer mattered. There was no point in fretting over the inevitable. It was true that none of them would ever probably see the women they loved, the women they would eventually love, or the women that love them, ever again. It was true that they would never say goodbye to the people they valued most. All the bleak realities were true, but somehow, they didn't mean a thing. They told themselves no easy lies of 'having no regrets' or a 'fearless, soldier's death.' Instead, they laughed because the friends were together. They laughed because the situation of farts was worth laughing about. They were kids again for the first time through the war.

"Hey, you guys…" Kira slurred, now looking very pale, "…I'm kinda tired."

The laughter stopped. All eyes directed themselves on Kira.

"I think… I'll take a nap."

"Y…Yeah… you do that, Kira," Athrun said a short time later, trying to keep his tone calm, but failing miserably.

Kira was lulled by a new sound from the outside. It was the pounding sound of helicopters. After a few seconds, Kira lost consciousness.


	13. Borrowing Time

Chapter 13 -

Borrowing Time

Lacus stumbled across the long hallway on the way to the staircase. Her eyes welled up with tears and with each step she took, the tears threatened more and more to spill out against all her will. She bit her bottom lip as she climbed each stair, her heart becoming heavier the closer she got to her room. As she reached the top of the stairs, she staggered for a moment before collapsing onto her knees and placing her face in both her hands, suddenly convulsing into quiet sobs. She could hear the creak of a door opening. Hurried steps were made toward her.

"Lacus," she heard a deep, yet calming voice, as she felt the arms filled with solace wrap around her, "Lacus, what's wrong?"

She looked up, tears streaming from her eyes and saw that it was her father who now sat with her.

"Daddy," Lacus said while her voice cracked terribly, "I want Kira to be here... he's not... coming back... Daddy, I want him back..."

"Lacus..." Siegel Clyne whispered to his despairing daughter, not knowing how to handle it. He wished he could lift that burden up from her shoulders, but he knew that this grief was hers to bear. She loved him. That's why.

He wondered if she bore the pain deep within her to prove she loved him. Or perhaps, Lacus believed that the realization of his absence - remembering Kira Yamato - was worth the pain it inflicted upon her. He knew that that was the way he felt when Lacus' mother died.

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Kira blinked repeatedly as he opened his eyes. The light blinded him as the sudden contrast between pitch black and incredible brightness fell upon him all at once, shocking his weary eyes. He sat up from his cot and tried to kick off the lilywhite sheets covering his legs off of him. It was warm in the room. He looked around at the other resting patients in the infirmary then looked down onto himself. He stared at his legs as his blankets lay crumpled at the foot of the bed. He looked down and saw one whole leg, and one missing half a shin and a foot. He sighed when he saw this and proceeded to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dead. It stung. He was alive. Now it was time for a sigh of relief.

He dropped back down on his cot and stared at the ceiling as he felt the morning air caress his skin gently. The morning sun shone down from the windows.

"Look who's up," he heard from the doorway.

Kira lazily looked to the open door and saw one of his friends that remained with him in the building. It was Athrun.

"How's the leg?" Athrun asked as he sat at the end of the cot, filling the space where the rest of Kira's leg ought to have been.

"It's alright..." Kira muttered, still exhausted. He was still just recovering.

Athrun could sense the still lingering misery in the air.

"We're being shipped home, finally."

"What?!" Kira asked hurriedly while sitting up suddenly, slightly straining his sore muscles, "Before all that, you gotta tell me, how'd we get here? Oh, and is it over yet? Did we... lose? Did we lose Orb?"

Kira grimaced from the effort as his body ached from the exertion. Athrun took a deep breath.

"The choppers came to back up the remaining troops. Turns out, most of the only squads and detachments left were now cooped up in that sector. The guys that weren't there around where we were, well... I figure they didn't make it... So they picked us up and basically evaded the Union troops and detachments that were around. 'Course, some choppers didn't make it either. Leastways," Athrun gulped and took in another deep breath, "When we finally got back, the war pretty much ended. We lost Orb... we lost a… a lot of troops."

Kira and Athrun sighed remorsefully as the world felt like it was whirling out of control again. Passed the battles, passed the physical limitations of pain, those memories stayed clear – still horrific and fresh as it would always be.

"But anyways," Athrun resumed, "Our forces stationed in the west gained ground and took the northern peninsula from Union forces defending it. It turns out that, like Orb for us, that peninsula was a tactical point for them. So yeah, the Prime Minister signed a treaty with the Union leaders yesterday, so the war's officially over."

"Stalemate?"

"Yeah."

"That's anti-climactic," Kira huffed under his breath as he sank back into his soft pillows.

"Hey, by the way, the boat's leaving in a couple of weeks so you better get better by then. If you haven't recovered, you can't drink, 'cause most likely, you're taking meds. Meds and liquor don't mix, got it? You of all people should want their drink on."

"Alright," Kira nodded, "So where are the other two?"

"Off on a flirting run. Dearka's trying to get Yzak to hook up with some 'lovely lady' from town. Probably a hooker. But anyways, I gotta write some reports for administration or some shit. Take it easy, Kira."

Athrun walked out of the room and Kira was alone again. All the other patients in the ward seemed unconscious. No one to talk to.

His thoughts wandered again. He thought about his friends, the ones he had and the ones he lost. He thought of the man he killed, and the monsters he left behind. But what he remembered most were the women who betrayed him. He remembered the soft words and the touch that deceived him. Then, he remembered the lie he wished were true and the rain that drowned him to this day.

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Kira limped out onto the deck of the ship. The Eternal. They were finally going home. He clutched his cane as he stepped on his prosthetic leg. Every step he took with it made every nerve in his injured leg go crazy. Kira was constantly in pain. At least he could walk. He looked up at the cloudless sky and held his hand up to shield his eyes from the glaring, afternoon sun. He watched the gulls fly overhead. He leaned forward against steel cables protruding onto the side of the ship. What the hell were they for? He pulled out a box of cigarettes from his front pocket and leaned against the cane at his hip. He pulled one stick out with his lips, but lighting it was a problem. The sea breeze wasn't much of a breeze at all. More like gusts of wind.

He threw his hair back while he squinted. He decided to try not being so miserable. He was going home, after all. He would be with his sister again. His friends were still alive - at least some of them were. He was going back. No more fighting - he hoped.

He looked out over the vast waters and saw a glimpse of land. It was the harbour. He was almost there.

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"Hey Lacus, wake me up when we get back, 'kay?" Misa yawned as the bus rumbled along the seaside.

"Sure Misa," Lacus whispered.

The bus was relatively after that. The students were on another school trip to a historical seminar close to the pier. They loved the scenery. They hated the subject matter.

"Lacus," Billie suddenly said as she lightly tapped Lacus' shoulder, "I heard that the troops were being sent back... I thought that maybe you might have not been keeping track... well, I dunno... Of course you were, right? Kira's coming home though... I... he will..."

Lacus turned around to see her friend attempting to smile. They had clashed about the subject before and she could see the guilt in Billie's eyes. They haven't even tried reconciling - at least, not until today. This was her way of apologizing: a little bit of support. She was glad to hear it.

"Thanks Billie... it's alright... I'm not mad."

"Lacus..."

Lacus simply held the hand on her shoulder and smiled at her repentant friend. She smiled back.

Lacus looked out of the front of the bus as the glow of twilight hour pulsated across the skyline in the distance. She saw a large flatbed. This meant that troops were coming home. As the truck drove away, the bus swung passed. She looked out the side of the bus and saw a silhouette of four young men simply standing, staring at the glint of the ocean while the sun set. Lacus frowned. She thought of Kira and wondered when he was coming home. Now she worried more and more as she pondered his possible fates. She turned back once more to see the boys before the bus turned the corner. When she looked back, she knew what she saw. It was something infinitely broken.

She wondered when he would return. She wondered if he wanted her in his life again.

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Four boys stood at the harbourfront after hopping off the flatbed transporting them wherever they needed to go - like a bussing service. Athrun, Dearka, and Yzak stared out into the water as the sunset shimmered on the water. Kira looked at the street.

"Hey Kira, wha..." Athrun began asking. Kira looked at him, saw the lips moving but heard no voice. He was cut off by the sound of a bus.

Kira simply nodded. He wasn't particularly interested.


	14. King of One Hundred Flowers

Chapter 14 –

King of One Hundred Flowers

Cagalli stared at the television. It was the 11:00 news.

…_the many troops dispatched all over the continent returning home today. I'm sure they're glad to be home…_

Another few minutes before the mind-numbing reports were over.

_About two thousand troops today…_

All numbers. No names. No mention of Kira Yamato.

The phone rang. Cagalli shifted her weight on the couch, poising herself not to answer the phone. One ring. Then two. Then for a moment she remembered that maybe, just maybe it was her brother calling to tell her he was alright and that they would be reunited – to call and say that they were still going to be family.

"Hello…?" Cagalli reluctantly said into the phone's receiver.

"Cagalli? It's Lacus…"

"Oh," Cagalli was almost disappointed. Although she knew the chances of him calling, or even coming back, was extraordinarily slim, she couldn't help but hope. Hope was the only thing left for her and Lacus, she knew, memories aside. Her thoughts wandered and she looked back on the years that had gone by, the moments she shared with the only family she truly knew, and saw how the memories were cut short by the cruelty of happenstance.

How cruel it had been to the siblings, to take away their parents then to separate them. How cruel it had been to her young friend, the girl that loved him so, to take him farther away from her when they had both been deceived by a lie – one that made him doubt the love that they simply forgot.

"Cagalli, the news… it says…" Lacus said, hesitating somewhat. Cagalli could feel the anticipation in her voice. Cagalli could feel the question that hid so subtly under the unfinished statement.

"No word yet… but I'm still waiting."

There was a cold silence between them. There were no words that could express it. What was there left but to wait for the words 'I'm home'. What was there left but to wait for the phrase that started with 'I regret…'

Cagalli hung up the phone. There was nothing to say and for some reason saying goodbye just didn't seem like the right thing to do.

Cagalli turned off the television and sat on the couch again and decided that the lingering silence was what was most comforting. There were no silent memories of her brother, only lively ones, vivid – therefore, to forget for just a moment, silence was just all too soothing.

It was midnight.

There were knocks on the door - never too late for bad news for these military bastards. Cagalli waited for a moment before standing up to meet what she anticipated to be another hurt.

'_I regret…' _

Those were the first words she would probably hear.

'_I regret to inform you…'_

She wanted to be ready for more pain. She stood at the door, at the ready, waiting for the monster behind it to knock again and look at her with those eyes that spoke of death. Three knocks. She opened the door slowly and it creaked as she opened it. She stared at the ground waiting for a voice to tell her how she had hoped for the impossible.

"…Cagalli…"

She recognized the voice but continued to stare at the ground. It couldn't possibly be. From the corner of her eye, she saw a cane.

_No… It isn't… it couldn't be…_

"Cagalli… I'm home…"

She looked up slowly. She couldn't believe her eyes.

"Kira," she said in a soft whisper. Tears had welled up in her eyes, and although she learned, through this ordeal, to hold her emotions as though it were deep in a well inside of her, she could no longer contain herself. She cried, but a whisper was all she could muster. She slowly wrapped her arms around her brother's neck and held him tight. The siblings were reunited. He wasn't a ghost. He held his sister tightly. They were family again.

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The twins sat on the couch, leaning on each other, as they did as children. They stared out of the large window which opened up the lonely city to their sights. The tiny lights glowed. Cagalli saw them glint in Kira's glassy eyes.

Kira watched the lights. He watched as they lit up. He watched as they became extinguished. They sat for hours doing this, but Kira couldn't stop. They were like tiny fireflies. They would light up and show themselves for that small instance, so short, yet somehow the small chance of seeing them was all that was needed to realize the magic of the moment. As quickly as it would show itself, it would disappear. Sometimes it was impossible to find them again. The thought of the moment would always be there, but the moment itself is lost.

Cagalli was asleep. She was still sitting close to Kira, still leaning on her brother. They were reliving a moment in their childhood. They were reliving that small instance, a time when they believed that the world was perfect – they were reliving a time from a childhood which was inevitably stolen from them. It was a magical moment. It was finding that one firefly twice – the one that glowed ever so magnificently and lit up the darkness just for that one miniscule moment, but just for you. The slightest smile crept onto Kira's lips: a solemn smile; a melancholy image.

Tomorrow everything would start anew. He would be back at school. He would return alongside his sister and his true friends. Life would resume - life in the inescapable presence of death.

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Kira sat down on top of the coffee table and tied on his tattered school shoes. His cane was in the closet. He stood up and grimaced. The pain was almost unbearable.

"Kira, your cane?" Cagalli asked him as she took out her own shoes from the closet. Kira merely shook his head.

"Why not?"

"Doc said I have to get used to walking without one. He said 'if you don't let your nerves stop being such pussies, you'll never walk straight again! Suck it up, Yamato! You had the balls to get your leg blown off, so I think rehabilitating yourself should be no problem.'" Kira said, deepening his voice in an attempt to impersonate the military doctor, who many simply referred to as 'Doc.'

"Fair enough, I guess. You want me to bring it anyway? I mean, in case you need it…" Cagalli said with a tone of deep concern for her brother.

"Don't worry about me."

"Kira…"

"I'm not going anywhere, Cagalli. I'll be fine. Listen… I owe you lunch. I didn't pay for the tab last time, I don't think, so…"

Cagalli frowned for a moment. She smiled softly and looked at Kira with what looked like new resolve.

"I'll hold you to it."

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Kira sat in the registrations office at his school while Cagalli tended to the paperwork at the front desk. He sighed deeply at the prospect of school. He was somewhat livid from the thought of all the high school drama that he would have to deal with eventually. At least there was only a year left.

He tapped his hands on the hardwood table beside him and did so out of impatience. This was all a pretense for him.

Cagalli continued to talk to the woman at the front desk. She continued to sign papers. Kira continued to sigh – sometimes louder, which was always awarded a glare from his sister.

Kira continued to wait. It had only been an hour but he was still fretting. He hated waiting. It was always the waiting that made him feel the most fear. The anticipation – it was dreadful. There was something that made him uneasy. There was something that he was afraid to face.

He touched his front pocket to make sure that the _photograph_ was still there. He always kept it with him for some reason.

Kira thought more to himself then the office doors swung open to reveal two thug-like figures who yawned almost simultaneously – in disarray, and their clothes not properly worn or carried, Yzak and Dearka really did look like thugs or worse: hooligans.

The two decided to go to Kira's school just so that at least three of the four could stick together. They had to finish school somewhere – anywhere really – why split up? They had nothing better to do.

Suddenly, shoving between the two was a proper looking blue-haired boy that moved directly to the front desk, handing in a whole bundle of documents to the front desk with one hand while holding a bagel in the other. It was Athrun.

Athrun moved to Kira passing behind Cagalli. She turned to look. She faced the front desk. She took another look.

"Athie-boy! what ya doin' here?" Dearka said, in a rather loud and uncouth fashion. Crass as usual.

"As 'prestigious' as the _Academy_ is, I've already got a spot waiting at the University I'm after…"

"So what're you doin' here?" Yzak asked with his follow-up question. Athrun was good at politic answers. Kira just watched the conversation unfold.

Athrun thought for a moment.

"Nothin' better to do…"

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"Class, your attention."

Class was starting and Lacus shrugged with a slight displeasure. Something felt like it was eating away at her. Perhaps it was anticipation. Kira hadn't been around for a year now. It felt longer. She had waited for him. Where was he now?

"We have two new students."

Lacus' head darted up. Billie and Misa took note. Lacus could feel the excitement surge through her body. He was back. He had returned. She finally had the chance to tell him all the things he should know. All that was left was for him to enter the room and take his rightful place as the man in her life.

"This is…"

_Kira Yamato… please… let it be you…_

"…Yzak Joule… and…"

_That's alright, just let this be you… please, Kira, come home to me…_

"…Dearka Elsman."

…_no…_

Lacus frowned and sank in her seat. Billie, sitting behind her, suddenly and instinctively placed her hand on Lacus' shoulder, especially after the difficulty she gave her about Kira in the past.

Billie felt a whole year's worth of guilt, constantly telling Lacus that Kira was gone, and when that had sunk in, she would tell Lacus of all the reasons she ought to let go. As far as she understood, Kira Yamato was a shadow of the past, never to return. She told Lacus all the time. She would tell her about the possibility of his demise, not realizing until so late how it tore her apart.

She knew now. It hurt to know that she caused her so much pain. She only thought it would help her let go of a memory that most certainly wouldn't return.

The two stood at the front. The silver haired boy bowed to the class while the blonde saluted. He looked at his friend from the corner of his eye and lowered his arm slowly and bowed himself. He blushed at the blunder. Some people at the front could hear the silver haired boy mutter something that sounded oddly like the word 'idiot'.

The two found their ways to their seats and class commenced.

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The bell rang for lunch. Yzak and Dearka filed out of their class swiftly and made their way into a different class. They opened the door and saw Kira with Athrun sitting in front and a young, rather attractive blonde beside him.

Kira raised his leg and his face contorted for a moment out of the discomfort of the prosthetic that, somehow, he was able to hide so well from the general public. Suddenly, they heard what sounded like a ton of rocks hitting the table. After everyone was done bracing for some unseen impact, the class turned to see Kira with his leg atop the desk while he peered into a cigarette pack, shaking it in the hopes that he still had some.

Yzak and Dearka approached, and as they did, they couldn't help but notice Athrun's wandering eyes.

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At the end of class, Lacus began packing up her belongings. Billie and Misa stood behind her, waiting. As she did, a certain blond boy passed behind her. He caught her eye.

_He saluted… maybe…_

"Excuse me," Lacus said as she grabbed his arm, "Dearka, right?"

Dearka looked back and raised an eyebrow, then smiled charmingly, somehow causing Misa to giggle.

"I noticed you saluted this morning."

"Uh, yeah…" Dearka tried to acknowledge the question. She had a strange expression on her face as she hesitated to say another word. She had the expression which best described the phrase 'the silence was deafening,'

"…What about it?" he tried to continue.

"You're… a soldier… right?" Lacus stammered.

"…Yeah…" Dearka said as he frowned. He looked down at the girl who couldn't look back.

"Do you know Kira Yamato?"

Dearka remembered Kira's story in the church, about the pink haired girl that stole his heart and broke it.

_So… that's who you are._

He saw the same sadness in her eyes that he saw in Kira that night. No one would know it, but Dearka could sense the pain. Maybe it would be worth helping her. Maybe Kira could be helped too. Maybe he wouldn't be so damn depressed anymore.

"Yeah, I know him," he said after a while. Knowing what she wanted from the look in her eye, he then continued, "Follow me, he can't get very far… trust me on that…"

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"Kira!" he heard from a distance. Kira let out a deep breath. Without turning around, he knew it was Dearka.

"I gotta go deal with some business. Take it easy, Kira…" Athrun said before departing. Kira didn't acknowledge the loud calls from behind him.

"Kira!" Dearka bellowed again.

"Wha…" he turned to say, but the breath was sucked out of him when he saw what he saw. Beside him was a pink haired young girl. Kira wished he could still run.

Dearka closed the gap to Kira with Lacus close behind. Dearka looked at Kira with a concerned look and gave the slightest motion to the young girl behind him. Kira sighed and acknowledged and Dearka simply nodded to him.

"I gotta meet up with the landlord. I'll see you later if you decide to come," he said before leaving the two alone in the school's empty courtyard.

"Hi Kira," Lacus said timidly while staring at the ground.

"Hi," he answered back like an echo.

The only thing to be heard for one long minute was the breeze blowing in the space between them. Neither could look each other in the eye – neither of them had the courage to. Not yet.

"I'll walk you home."

Lacus nodded as they left together for the first time in a long time.

The sun was setting and it reminded her of all the times in the past when he would take her home. She remembered when he held her hand. They walked in silence. Finally, they reached the gates of her house and they stood there, like they did in the courtyard. Lacus looked up at his frowning face and looked at the now hazy, rampant eyes. They used to be clear - so sure, and so filled with conviction. Now they were only filled with doubt and disillusionment and perhaps even some malice. They were dull.

"It's cold…"

Kira nodded at the frail girl in front of him.

"I waited a long time…" she said to him.

"Yeah…"

"It's different…"

"We haven't been _friends_ for very long have we?" he asked.

Lacus thought for a moment and frowned when she finally understood what he meant.

"I don't like the feeling."

"We… we still have time don't we?" Lacus asked in a whisper.

"I… we might… have the time."

"You owe me one year…" she said to him.

"You owe me one, too," he said to her.

"Let me try..."

"I'll think about it."

"Can I go to your house sometime… to go and see you?"

"...Would tomorrow be fine?"

"Tomorrow's good…" she whispered.

Lacus looked at the ground again. Inside she was relieved. Inside she was rejoicing. She wanted so much. She wanted to tell him how she felt, but now wasn't the time.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, closed her eyes, and placed a soft kiss on his lips. She placed them slowly. She savoured the feeling. He seemed different, but he was always going to be Kira.

Kira held her in his arms. He felt a little calmer but he still felt as though uneasy about something. He let go, as did she. They turned away from each other without a word. He walked away from her and she couldn't help but notice that his gait had a painful abruptness to it.

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Kira walked along the sidewalks and saw the setting sun in the distance. He loved them: A fixation on the setting sun – some sick fixation on endings.

There was a woman on the street giving out flowers. She seemed to be giving them for free. He limped passed her, trying to get through without hassle.

"Excuse me sir…"

She handed him a bouquet of tiny white lilies. He held them in his arms and thanked the gruff old lady. She smiled and continued on.

Kira's leg had gotten sore from all the activity, but he trudged on until he saw a park bench at the top of a hill. It overlooked playgrounds and gardens. It would be nice to sit down. And so he did. He watched lives pass by those moments, those tiny moments. He was hurt by it. He wanted for so much, but he forgot how to find it all. He felt his front pocket and was relieved to know that the photograph was still there. He closed his eyes.

A young girl sat beside him.

"I loved him very much, but the war tore us apart," the girl said to no one in particular.

Kira opened his eyes and looked at the girl who didn't look at him.

"He was going to have me go and live with him, in the _Union_ controlled continents… there where he worked. If it wasn't for the damned war… we would have gotten married."

Kira continued to listen. He saw her face.

"He fought on the side of the _Union_ army. He fought at Orb."

Kira clenched his fist. He placed the bouquet on the girl's lap and she looked at them with sorrow in her eyes.

"How did you know I was a soldier?"

She took a deep breath, but all that he heard was a whisper.

"You look so sad…" she said to him.

Kira looked at the unflinching girl. He placed his hands in his pocket and looked at the girl's face again. He remembered. She was so silent. The screams were easy to deal with. It was the silence that he hated. It stayed with him. Screams dissipated. The silence lingered.

"I always kept it with me…" he said, finally.

The girl furrowed her eyebrows, confused.

Kira pulled out the photograph from his front pocket and placed it amongst the flowers he placed on her lap.

"I guess it told me something important about the war…"

The young girl looked at the photograph. She saw herself smiling back and she knew what it said on the back.

…_Come home to me…_

"It told me that I didn't kill a monster…"

The girl looked up at Kira Yamato with sad eyes - but with the light relinquishing itself behind him, all she saw was a shadow. She would have been closer to seeing the truth than any other person. She felt her heart break.

"…It told me that a monster had killed him."

A heavy pause.

"I'm so sorry."

Kira limped away from the girl. He had grown weary. He never saw her again.


	15. Do It Again

Chapter 15 –

Do it Again

Kira sat in the last car of the subway train he was taking home. It was two in the morning and the city was uncharacteristically quiet despite the end of the war.

Kira had just begun to return home from the city where he tried to find a job at a construction firm, but was turned away due to his obvious disability. Despite his best efforts to hide his handicap, or the words he used to try to mitigate the severity of the injury, he just couldn't hide his limp, and that would be worrisome in a critical situation. Irked by these events, Kira had decided that before heading home, he would hit the bottle.

Kira hadn't planned to stay out for too long, so he decided to reach his goal as fast as he could. So he drank, and drank, and drank, as fast as he could manage for a whole three quarters of an hour. He would have gone for another quarter of an hour, but he had already squandered his night's funds.

And here he was. Alone in the subway, waiting for his stop – tired, hungry, hammered out of his mind as he clutched onto his seat trying his best not to throw up. Kira breathed deeply, silently praying for better days.

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Lacus lay in bed, tired.

'_Kira never breaks his promises_,' she thought to herself.

But here she was, alone in bed holding onto a gift-wrapped box of shoes. Shoes she had bought for him. She hadn't spoken to Kira since the day before when he had walked her home. He didn't even bother going to class today, not to mention call her to tell her he wasn't home or wasn't going to be at all. She had waited for him for most of the early evening, from 7 till midnight before heading home with a heavy heart. Still, there was no Kira, nor was there any word from him.

So she lay in bed holding the box of shoes she had bought for him to replace the old ones she got him for his 14th birthday. New shoes to replace the old and tattered shoes he always wore, and somehow still wore now that he was back. They were worn thin. Kind of like him.

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A yawn. Cagalli rolled awkwardly out of bed, barely able to keep her balance. She had forgotten to set her alarm for class. Thank God Kira hadn't turned off his. She shuffled over to the bathroom and got herself ready.

After her shower, she looked in the mirror and began yanking violently at the knots in her wet hair. Soon, she realized that the alarm was still ringing. She walked to her brother's bedroom and opened the door.

Kira was lying on the floor, half-naked, covered in his beddings and blankets.

"Are you coming to class?"

Kira mumbled something incoherent. That's when Cagalli noticed the smell wafting around the room. It smelled of booze and tobacco.

"So you aren't?" to which Kira responded by crawling under his bed.

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The sun was setting in the distance as the last of the students began to disperse from the high school. Two figures broke away from the small crowd of students, either bickering about one thing or another. Both were glaring at each other as they walked side by side, neither watching where they were going, neither willing to back down.

"See you tonight. Dress smart," Athrun said through his grit teeth.

"Do I look stupid, Zala?" Cagalli spat.

"That depends."

"Fuck off."

"Just be ready when I come to pick you up."

"Yeah, yeah."

They both finally broke eye contact as they separated ways, Athrun towards the parking lot, and Cagalli towards the sidewalk. Cagalli continued to walk, but slowly began to look behind her at Athrun's retreating figure. She watched him as he didn't turn back. She pursed her lips and took a deep breath while turning around again and nimbly bounding the street corner. Athrun slowed his pace then stopped. He turned around to see Cagalli was no longer there. He grunted as he ruffled his own hair and then decided to continue toward his car.

Athrun pressed the button on his keys to unlock his dusty emerald green sedan. He opened the door, sat down, and closed it again.

"So Cagalli… do you need a ride home?" Athrun muttered to himself before slamming his head against the steering wheel.

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The phone rang while Kira was asleep on the couch. It jolted him awake. He signed as he remained on the couch, unwilling to move as the phone rang. The ringing stopped. Kira resumed a relaxed position and snuggled himself on the couch as the leather squeaked under the friction. The ringing started again.

Kira scratched his head vigorously in frustration then decided to get up. He staggered towards the phone and picked it up, placing it awkwardly between his head and shoulder.

"Cagalli, don't you have the keys?"

He could hear a rustling on the other line.

"Um… Kira?"

He recognized the voice immediately.

"… It's me, Lacus."

"H-hey. How are you?"

"I'm fine. I just came to visit. I came by yesterday… You never made an appearance… Do you mind if I…"

"Uh, yeah sure. Let me buzz you in."

"Okay."

Kira stared at the phone for a moment, not registering what he had to do. He breathed deeply for a few seconds.

"… Uh, K-Kira?"

"… Uh, right. Sorry. I wasn't sure which number… uh, come up," Kira said as he pressed number '6' on the dial pad. He heard the buzzed ring on the other line signalling the unlocking of the door, then the click of the phone hanging up.

He walked to his bedroom and sat on his bed for a moment. He put his socks on as fast as he could, and raised his right pant leg to make sure his prosthetic was properly in place. He took a deep breath and walked slowly out of the bedroom to find a chair in the dining room. He sat down for a moment.

Kira looked at the clock wondering just how long it's been since he buzzed her up. It had been quite a while. He watched the time second by second, just waiting for her to knock. Kira quickly turned his head toward the door and took a deep breath. He began to sweat a little as he started to fidget. His fingers began tapping against the table, seemingly autonomous from the relatively motionless Kira.

He wasn't sure why he was suddenly so restless, but his apprehension was beginning to make him feel sick.

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Lacus stood in the elevator, listening to the soft hum of the machinery. She took deep breaths as she stepped closer to the doorway in anticipation of her arrival to his floor. She closed her eyes and held the bag she was holding a little tighter.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

The door slid open and Lacus took a hasty step out.

"Whoa, watch out!"

Lacus gasped and stepped back. She looked up. 9th floor.

"Sorry about that," the man said as he entered the elevator. He was holding a large pot.

"Potluck on the 15th," he laughed, "Er, could you press that…"

Lacus didn't seem to be paying attention. She closed her eyes again and breathed deeply. Her breath hitched every now and then.

"… er, nevermind," he said as he put the pot down and pressed '15' himself.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

The door slid open and the man walked out. Lacus took a hasty step forward, but stopped and looked up at which floor she was on. '15th', it said. She took a step back and bit her lip.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

The door slid open.

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Kira stood by the door, listening; waiting. The minutes ticked by.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

A series of knocks on his door snaps Kira out of his daze.

"Kira?" He hears from beyond the door.

He waits a few seconds.

"Yeah…" he says as he unlocks the door.

He opens the door slowly. Their eyes meet.

"Hi Kira…"

"… Hey. Come in."

Kira walks into the kitchen.

"Anything to drink?"

"I'm okay, Kira," Lacus says softly as she follows Kira into the kitchen, "Um, Kira…"

"Y-yeah?" Kira said uneasily as she walked closer to him.

"… W-while you were away… I…"

She turned her gaze to the floor and held her breath.

"Well… I…" she tried to continue, "I… got these… for you."

She lifted the bag up and pulled the box out with both hands, letting the bag fall on the floor. Kira looked at her, a little bewildered, as she placed the box on the counter.

"When we were kids, I bought you a pair of shoes…"

Kira's eyes watered a bit.

"… They were too big for you at the time, but you grew into them…" Lacus continued as she opened the box and tore the white paper inside open.

"… They're all torn now, so I wanted to give you these," Lacus pulled out the new pair and handed them to Kira. He reluctantly grabbed a hold of them.

"Lacus… Thank you."

"Don't mention it," she replied with a small smile.

He looked at them longer.

"One second."

Kira walked back to his room and placed them by his door. He walked out and found Lacus sitting on the couch. She motioned for him to sit beside her. He walked over and sat down.

"Kira… I…"

He slowly turned looked at her.

Suddenly, she leaned close. She kissed his lips. She kissed his cheek. She threw her arms around his neck and said, "Stay with me tonight."

He held her too. She traced kisses along his jaw and made his way back to his lips. She parted hers and kissed him more passionately. She moved her head down to the crook of his neck and planted kisses there as well. Then she whispered, "I love you."

She looked up to kiss him on the lips again. Kira's heart skipped. He turned away from her. She looked at him confused. He pushed her shoulder lightly to have her sit down again.

"Kira?"

"I'm sorry. I can't."

"Why not? Kira… I want to be with you…"

"I know… but… I don't know if I can…" Kira said as he stood up, "I'm sorry."

"Kira…" tears were forming in Lacus' eyes, "…why?"

"Don't cry," he said as he turned away, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Just tell me why."

"Look… I'm not ready."

"Be honest with me. Please, Kira. It's not just that."

"I don't know if I can yet."

"But why?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I do. I'm not mad, I'm not anything. I'll wait. I'll wait for you I swear. Just please, Kira, tell me. I know there's something else. I know you."

"You don't know me anymore."

The tears fell from Lacus' eyes.

"… Then please, let me get to know you again…"

"Come on. I'll take you home. Another time, I promise."

"No, Kira, I'm not going anywhere. Not till you tell me."

"Lacus, I just…"

"Just… what?"

"Look, I just can't do this right now. Let's talk about this some other time."

"Why not? I'm sorry, okay? What do you want me to do? Beg? I'm begging already, Kira!"

"Not now. Please, Lacus."

"Yes, now!"

"No matter how hard you try to fix anything, it'll never be the same as before!"

"Then we'll just have to try harder and make it better than before!"

"Things can't be better after what you did, Fllay!"

Lacus just stared at Kira, stunned. She didn't understand what just happened, or why it suddenly stung so much more. Kira just looked back, mouth half-open, as if anticipating another word or phrase which has yet to be said. Nothing came to him at that moment as they both looked at each other, both incredibly confused. Kira suddenly felt his mouth go dry as he searched her face for the right thing to say. It didn't appear to have any answer for him, so he just licked his lips and looked away.

"... Kira...?" she whimpered.

"... Lacus… listen, I… I'm sorry... for yelling."

"Y-yeah. It's alright," Lacus said with a deep and laboured breath.

"… Lacus."

"I'm going home."

"Wait…" he reached for her hand as she walked away from him.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Kira," she mumbled as she walked out the door.

"Lacus!"

Kira went to chase after her but realized he was just in his socks. He skipped back to his room and put his new shoes on as quickly as possible and made his way out the door as fast as he could manage. He looked down the hallway and saw Lacus enter the elevator, so he raced to catch it, but the door closed too quickly. He hopped toward the stairs, sticking close to the wall as he did and flung the door open with all his might. He looked down to the bottom of all the flights. It was a long way down from the 18th floor.

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Lacus stumbled out the main door of the apartment building, crying. She right on the sidewalk as she sobbed loudly. After a few minutes, she heard a car honk. It was an emerald green car. The window of the passenger seat came down. Lacus looked inside and saw it was Athrun.

"Lacus, what's up?" he said, but when he realized she was crying, he continued, "Hey, are you alright?"

"Y-yeah. What are you doing here?"

"I just dropped Cagalli off. Did you need a ride?"

"That would be nice. Thanks."

Lacus opened the door to the car and sat down in the passenger seat and closed the door. Athrun accelerated away from the sidewalk.

"Where to?"

"My home. It's just off of –"

"Yeah, I know where it is. Cagalli pointed it out to me once."

Athrun looked over at her. Her eyes were red and swollen, and her hands were shaking. He had waited for a while for her to talk, but it had been an awkward five minutes of loaded silence that he received. Athrun coughed a bit, but Lacus didn't even flinch. She continued to stare out the window of the passenger seat.

"Hey…" he stammered, "Are you sure you're…?"

"Who's Fllay?" She asked. It barely came as a whimper.

Athrun's eyes widened as he directed his eyes back to the road. Athrun sighed.

"… Long story."

"Tell me."

"Lacus…"

"Take the long way to my house. Tell me."

"How do you know that name?"

Lacus leaned her head against the window.

"Kira called me that."

"He what?"

"He said that things couldn't be the same because of what I've done. But he called me Fllay."

"Don't… don't think about it. It's… he's just having a hard time getting back to… to normal, that's all."

"I can't leave him alone. I can't just forget about this. It felt like I did something so wrong…"

"If you just give him time…"

"I want things to be the way they used to be…"

"Let him tell you –"

"I don't want to be some bad memory!"

Athrun's heart skipped a beat in his surprise. Her face became flushed, and her cheeks were tinted a light pink with the exertion. The tears began to flow freely.

"You aren't…"

"Then tell me who Fllay is."

"You... He doesn't mean it. You're… different."

"Then tell me who she is."

Athrun sighed. He glanced at Lacus, whose eyes remained peering out the window. Her distant gaze slowly turned towards him. He looked back at the road and watched the street lights appear and disappear as he drove. The skyline was beautiful, if not a little ominous. He took a deep breath, and suddenly felt his mouth go dry.

"Fllay…"

He ran his tongue along the backs of his teeth as he turned left at the intersection.

"… She was quite the girl…"

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Cagalli walked out of the elevator and absentmindedly staggered toward her apartment. She caressed her lips as she remembered how Athrun had kissed her, catching her off guard. She felt her ears heat up at the thought and tried to calm herself down before entering her home.

She looked at the open door of her apartment.

"Kira? Kira are you here? You left the door open."

She received no answer.

"Kira?" She called louder.

Her heart beat a little faster as she ran out of the apartment and she looked to the end of the hallway. The door to the stairwell was left open too. She ran to the door as fast as her legs could take her, ran through the doorway and peered down the stairs. Kira was sitting on the landing with a bloody lip.

"Kira!" Cagalli yelled as she ran down the half flight to him. She knelt beside him.

"Idiot! What happened?!"

Kira's eyes were closed as he sobbed. Cagalli looked at what he was holding in his arms. It was a broken shoe, but not any she knew Kira had.

"The sole tore off…" He whimpered quietly.


End file.
